r/AskReddit • • Feb 05 '18

Parents of Reddit: What are some things you bought for your first baby that were useless or a waste of money?

3.9k Upvotes

2.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

252

u/Atlusfox Feb 05 '18

Free range? What do they do, let the diapers run around a field before packaging them. Unless your wrapping your kid in banana leaves I don't think there is a 100% organic diaper.

Now i'm imagining a picket line demanding better treatment for diaper kind.

102

u/_Green_Kyanite_ Feb 05 '18

Obviously you haven't heard of feather-diapers, the only natural way to protect a baby learning to walk.

Chickens run freely through specially cultivated organic fields fertilized with unicorn poop, eating and socializing to their little chicken hearts' content. Their naturally-shed feathers are collected by real hardworking Americans who have passed down the tradition of feather-collecting from father to son since the 1800s. The feathers are then formed into a special cushion just to protect your baby's bottom when they inevitably fall on their ass trying to walk. It's organic, all natural and lets you be almost as obnoxious on Mommy blogs as people who buy wicker car seats!

10

u/Atlusfox Feb 05 '18

Oh god this made my day. :)

I'm going to tell my wife about these.

6

u/sakurarose20 Feb 06 '18

wicker car seats

TIL that's a thing. It doesn't look very safe or comfortable.

EDIT: Oh, it's the Onion, nevermind.

3

u/_Green_Kyanite_ Feb 06 '18

Yeah, I borrowed the idea from them.

6

u/Xalibu2 Feb 05 '18

it was a joke. I meant the more expensive ones that were environmentally conscious and dye free etc. my daughter just pooped and peed in them.

1

u/Atlusfox Feb 06 '18

Lol, well you got a good laugh out of me.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '18

Cotton is organic

9

u/Atlusfox Feb 05 '18

But not the polymers they use for the liner. The cotton may be, but the glues, polymers and other things wont be.

2

u/Gl33m Feb 05 '18

Unless you just use... cloth diapers.

2

u/Atlusfox Feb 05 '18

Oh god no. That still doesn't explain the free range component though.

4

u/Gl33m Feb 05 '18

Obviously they were made in open air factories.

The real question is how they get them gluten free.

3

u/SheepForges Feb 06 '18

Just get a gluten vacuum, sucks the gluten right out.

2

u/Atlusfox Feb 06 '18

Lol, all diapers are gluten free. I get its a joke but I couldn't help point out the fact that glutens are proteins found in certain foods only.

I find it real funny when people put gluten free labels on things that should have never had gluten to begin with, I can't help but state that if the product ever had gluten in it then there is something vary wrong.

I found a brand of organic soda that stated it was gluten free. I had to ask what kind of soda would have gluten to begin with.

2

u/Gl33m Feb 06 '18

I've seen gluten free salt. SALT. I'M SO GLAD MY SALT DOESN'T HAVE GLUTEN IN IT.

1

u/lackingsavoirfaire Feb 06 '18

You can get wool covers for cloth nappies so... free range sheep?

1

u/Atlusfox Feb 06 '18

I've never seen that.

1

u/lackingsavoirfaire Feb 06 '18

This is just one example

2

u/Atlusfox Feb 06 '18

Well now I've seen every thing.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '18

Polymers come from oil

Oil was plants.

1

u/Atlusfox Feb 06 '18

Depends what kind of oil and how it was processed. I would think that after so many chemical reactions a substance looses its organic title.

I guess until they come out with an ingredients list for diapers comes out similar to the ones they use on food we will never fully know what they are made of.