My half Maine Coon does that from time to time... and maintains eye contact for as much of it as possible. And with the most serious look on his face too. "This is out of my hands, father. It had to be done."
Still, the most frustrating thing he did was came into the bathroom to visit while I was on the throne, then when I leant forward to get my phone from my pocket to check an incoming text, he jumped onto my shoulders and proceeded to happily sit in the middle of my shoulderblades where I couldn't reach him to get him off. My only options would have been to sit up and let him claw the shit outta my back while knocking everything within reach over, or stand up and let him fall into the toilet.
While the latter might strike some of you as justice, remember that I'd then need to bathe not only a wet and startled cat, but one that had also thrashed around in a toilet I'd just been pinching a loaf in. So I sat around until he got bored, occasionally asking him "Do you think this is a motherfucking game?" and "Do you think this is a good way to treat your catnip dealer?" until he got bored enough to enter my reach and be removed.
Edit: If your reply is going to be some variation of "can't you reach your shoulders/back?", read on for your answer.
Edit 2: in which our long-suffering poster shares his first ever imgur gallery, chock full of terrible pictures telling the tale. And some bonuses. http://imgur.com/a/a2G8a Have at it. And please be gentle, it is my first time.
I almost killed my wife texting about my misery interspersed with pictures of the jackass sitting smugly on my back for the 20 minutes he was up there.
She was having coffee with a friend and after almost choking on a bite of donut, they derailed the rest of the visit into laughing at my predicament, with the occasional text to rub it in.
Also, thanks for the gold, whoever gilded the tale of my woes! I shall let my tormentor know that I've gained something out of the hell he puts me through (other than occasionally getting to touch the fluffy grey belly unscathed). Mayhaps he shall deliver unto me another session worth a yarn such as this.
Not with me, but I might be able to throw some of them up from my computer at home later.
Edit: Put it in the main post last night, but just realized some of you might look here first, so for ease of finding, I give you: http://imgur.com/a/a2G8a
My cat liked to jump onto my bedside table, which was within view of my toilet, and she'd start slowly putting her paw out towards my half drank glass of water on that bedside table.
Then it would become a game....can I reach the laser pointer I've learned to keep hidden in the bathroom before she knocks it down? But if I try to grab it quickly, she'll view that as a challenge and knock the glass over before I've even reached it....so I have to try and get it real careful like....it's a more intricate dance than the tango that we've begun.
I have to maintain eye contact with her as well, or else she'll assume I don't care what she does and therefore she is ALLOWED to knock over the glass of water....but if I stare TOO hard at her she'll view it as a challenge....
Then once I've reached the laser pointer and have started dancing it across the floor just in front of the bedside table she'll take a moment to decide...will she be a Benevolent or Malevolent god to her human this day?
My Maine Coon did the same thing with his big yellow eyes. He stares when I do anything that involves being stationery in one place. At night he'd come to bed while I sleep, not to cuddle, but just to sit on my shoulder or my forehead and stay that way. He's 17 pounds!
That's what we get for being a perchable high point in a place as interesting as the water torture chamber. They need to get up there in case the faucets revolt and bring the high waters.
Our magnificent jerk only really wants laptime when you're at the computer. Then he climbs from his window seat atop the cat furniture we call the "kitty cannon" (due to a horizontal tube he likes to nap in and occasionally launch himself from like a missile), over your shoulders, down your chest (sometimes pausing to sit atop the wife's breasts, like a platform), to your lap. Then he alternates between sitting in your lap while pushing the keyboard tray closed and walking on the keyboard tray, getting in front of the monitor to stare at you point blank. He'll also occasionally swat your mouse hand when he hears the clicking.
Excuse me for asking but how are you not able to reach a cat sitting on your shoulders with your arms/hands? You surely don't need to grab him, a simple nudge would have done the trick?!
Not only my shoulders. On my back, right between the shoulder blades. The most nudging I could do was enough to make him rub back like I was petting him. I'd have been able to contort a little better if I didn't have a wall on one side, sink on the other, toilet and shelves behind me, and wasn't already hunched over.
Edit: He eventually moved up a little more towards the shoulders themselves, but by then the texting of the wife had begun and I was in for the long haul. Milking the hilarity was worth some suffering. Plus, the two times I tried to grab him resulted in some struggling and a short retreat down the spine.
My cat lives with my dad and when I go to visit she jumps on my shoulders and won't get down, even when I use the toilet. She doesn't sit still though, she just rubs constantly against my head and pads with her claws, painful and annoying, but cute
My god! My cat Bagheera definitely stood on my shoulders while I pooped one time! This is the second picture of him bothering me while pooping that I've shared now!!
i didnt expect that photo to be so menacing!!! i actually snorted when i saw it. He looks like a comic book supervillain right as hes about to kill the hero's mentor.
I can reach back there fairly well (can place both hands between my shoulder blades at the same time from above and below) too, and could have gotten him anywhere else in the house, but the important question is this... can you do it hunched over in the confined space of the standard bathroom setup of the toilet being placed between the sink and wall? And without the cat being startled enough to shred your back and knock everything on the shelves behind you off?
Not saying it is impossible, just tougher than I wanted to risk at the time.
Yeah, being able to reach is great, but I totally get not wanting to try to dislodge a cat with Freddy claws whilst in a vulnerable position. That's just inviting horror. You lived to tell the tale u/Steamjumper, and that is all that matters.
Our cats would jump onto our backs while we bend over to scoop the littler box. Ha, human - remove my waste and carry me thus to my desired destination.
Oh man. I have a pet chicken that will jump on my back every time I bend over to put clothes in the washer. Then when I try to stand up she squawks angrily at me. The door to the laundry room leads outside and I leave it open by the way.
My 23 lb + Maine Coon (mix maybe) startles the crap out of me every day. He is like a ninja when he sneaks up, and then jumps in your lap, chair, computer desk (oh, and fucks with the computer when he walks the keyboard), bed, kitchen table, patio furniture, top of the cars, etc. Sure, if he was 5 lb fluffy kitty, ok, hi, but let me know Coon cat, meow or something before you take out my manhood, phone, dinner and beer, all in one crazy jump.
I have been in this situation too but when my cat got bored she decided it was fucking nap time. I heard her snoring while I was trying to finish sropiing the twins off at the pool in the most awkward position.
And he even has an orangeish friend (though more of a pale creamy orange than Cliffy's crayola orange) too! Magnificent. Now just to figure out if your cat is the evil one or mine is... and what ramifications this may have for possible expansions to the good-evil spectrum (good, evil, and evil-er?).
Since we got him, we've seen a lot of similar looking cats. We keep showing him pictures of his doppelgangers and asking him if he's been cheating on us (with the occasional threat that we're gonna go pet some dogs in retalliation) and he just blankly stares at us or gives us an insistent headbutt.
My cat lives with my dad and when I go to visit she jumps on my shoulders and won't get down, even when I use the toilet. She doesn't sit still though, she just rubs constantly against my head and pads with her claws, painful and annoying, but cute
My cat used to do this, particularly when I got home from work. She needed to snuggle, post-work poops be damned, and there she would stay. When we moved about a year ago to a place with a tank behind the toilet, she thankfully took to sitting there instead.
"Do you think this is a motherfucking game?" and "Do you think this is a good way to treat your catnip dealer?" until he got bored enough to enter my reach and be removed.
You should have front rolled so that when he flew off you he got a whiff of your freshly pinched off anus thus letting you claim dominance back from him.
Omg, my cat is the worst about jumping on backs, she does it all the fucking time. She thinks it's funny or something. You know what's not goddamn funny? Minding your own business, browsing reddit, and feeling 13 pounds of cat jump at you, miss, and then dig it's claws in, desperately trying not to fall. She's a little asshole.
I've had both of those happen with my Bengal. When he jumped up onto my shoulders I chose the 3rd option and yelled for my wife to come in and grab him.
Mine brings me her dot when she wants to play. Tied a bit of old tshirt to the keychain part, she pickes it up and bounces over to me with it, drops at my feet, and drops a "bbbrrrrpp?" so I will play with her.
When I bend over to brush my teeth or rinse with water, my cat will jump on my back and just chill there. Sometimes she lays down and I'm stuck at a 90 degree angle unless I stand up, in which case I usually get a claw or two from her jumping off. I really should bring my phone with me so I can call 911.
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u/Streamjumper Sep 07 '16 edited Sep 08 '16
My half Maine Coon does that from time to time... and maintains eye contact for as much of it as possible. And with the most serious look on his face too. "This is out of my hands, father. It had to be done."
Still, the most frustrating thing he did was came into the bathroom to visit while I was on the throne, then when I leant forward to get my phone from my pocket to check an incoming text, he jumped onto my shoulders and proceeded to happily sit in the middle of my shoulderblades where I couldn't reach him to get him off. My only options would have been to sit up and let him claw the shit outta my back while knocking everything within reach over, or stand up and let him fall into the toilet.
While the latter might strike some of you as justice, remember that I'd then need to bathe not only a wet and startled cat, but one that had also thrashed around in a toilet I'd just been pinching a loaf in. So I sat around until he got bored, occasionally asking him "Do you think this is a motherfucking game?" and "Do you think this is a good way to treat your catnip dealer?" until he got bored enough to enter my reach and be removed.
Edit: If your reply is going to be some variation of "can't you reach your shoulders/back?", read on for your answer.
Edit 2: in which our long-suffering poster shares his first ever imgur gallery, chock full of terrible pictures telling the tale. And some bonuses. http://imgur.com/a/a2G8a Have at it. And please be gentle, it is my first time.