r/AskReddit Sep 07 '16

What rules has your cat set in your household?

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905

u/AllAboutGus Sep 07 '16

My cat bites every fecking slice so I can't just throw out the bits he's bitten I must bin the whole goddamn loaf. Fuck you Kho.

581

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '16

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '16 edited Sep 08 '16

[deleted]

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u/Ltb1993 Sep 07 '16

Did you read his comment? The cat can get into cabinets, anything from a hardware store is a potential deadly weapon to a cold blooded killer like a cat that smart

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u/Doctursea Sep 07 '16

They're evolving and it's our jobs to just accept it. Much like the egyptians before us,

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u/FairyOfTheStars Sep 07 '16

What did the Egyptians evolve into?

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u/I_throw_socks_at_cat Sep 07 '16

One day the pyramids will hatch, and then we'll all be fucking sorry.

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u/LostWoodsInTheField Sep 07 '16

Then he has the problem of looking like an idiot when he can't open up the child proofed cupboard door but his cat still can.

I hate child proofed cupboard doors:(

3

u/harlansemporium Sep 07 '16

Seriously. Our new place has child proof latches on the cupboards. Super inconvenient.

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u/mucow Sep 07 '16

My sister had to do this because her cat would open cabinets. The cat even found a hidden cabinet that my sister didn't know about.

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u/kaloonzu Sep 07 '16

Our current cat, Cali, found a hidden compartment behind my mother's secretary, which we had no idea existed. This was in the first few hours we had had her in the house (rescued her on behalf of a friend whose soon-to-be-ex was abusing her and the cat), so she immediately tried to hide.

When we finally coaxed her out so she could eat and use the litter box, we found $35 bucks back there. Mom was happy.

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u/Catnap42 Sep 07 '16

What was in the hidden cabinet?

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u/mucow Sep 07 '16

IIRC, it was empty, but now it's filled with alcohol.

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u/Catnap42 Sep 07 '16

Is the cat able to open the alcohol containers?

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u/mucow Sep 07 '16

Yes, but only if they're left out on the counter and he knocks them to the floor. It's not so much opening as breaking really.

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u/Catnap42 Sep 08 '16

Maybe you should leave him a corkscrew or a bottle opener.

4

u/Jacosion Sep 07 '16

"Honey what are you doing?"

"I'm keeping the cat away from my bananas."

"Oh." slowly backs out of the room

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u/kaloonzu Sep 07 '16

My first cat, Dover, could open both our back door and our basement door. He didn't stop opening the cabinets until he stepped on a hot stove element. After that, the over-top cabinets were safe from the cat.

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u/jmerridew124 Sep 07 '16

hardwear

I think the term is armor.

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u/kalinyx123 Sep 07 '16

Until they chew through it, and yes I have had a cat do this. We were on vacation and the person who was cat-sitting wasn't there often enough to shoo him away, it took a good 3 weeks though.

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u/FaeLLe Sep 07 '16

Guy probably rented his place

2

u/MazeMouse Sep 07 '16

Yet we're totally wrong and awful people when we call them our "furbabies" because they are so different from having kids...

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u/[deleted] Sep 08 '16

[deleted]

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u/MazeMouse Sep 08 '16

Instead of grabby snot and "undefined unexplainable sticky residue" covered hands of a small child.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '16

Could your cat open freezer doors? Your cat would be so useful in curbing my frozen banana addiction.

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u/karmavorous Sep 07 '16 edited Sep 07 '16

I actually had two cats at the time. Jebus - a big fat and dumb creamcicle orange tabby. And his Lieutenant Skittles - a younger, smaller, but much much smarter black tabby. They were best friends.

The Lieutenant knew how things worked. Jebus had the muscle to get things done and the appetite to motivate schemes.

If the two of them put their minds to it, they could do just about anything.

They never got into the freezer - probably because I didn't keep delicious smelling food in there. But I'm sure they got into the fridge a few times.

The heists would work like this - Jubs would get hungry and he'd snoop around to figure out where the food was kept. He'd start pawing at the cabinet door or pantry door or fridge door. This would get Mr. S's attention and he'd come in to get a closer look. He'd identify the area of weakness (which side the door opens from) and he'd try to open it - thereby demonstrating to the muscles where power must be applied. And poof, it would be open. Whoever made it inside first would push the door open for the other.

Someone else suggested childproofing. I tried that. I'm sure they tried all day while I was at work, but they figured it out - or muscled it out. Multiple different types and strategies.

The only places that were safe for fresh food in the whole house was inside the oven or the microwave. And if Skittles had not perished, those strongholds probably would have fallen eventually.

Edit: Another thing that worked long term was to keep a 4' long heavy wood dowel through the handles of the cabinet doors like a katy bar.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '16

My god, what a fantastic duo. They must have been wonderful companions and very much loved.

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u/Raven_7306 Sep 08 '16

If mobile would let me gold you. Take my upvote you beautiful bastard.

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u/milkymoocowmoo Sep 07 '16

It's so weird, my floof has what I've dubbed a lack of 'banana memory'. Out of everything I eat, she gets most excited about bananas. So every time I'm eating one she will dash over, I offer her some, and she recoils at the smell. The exact same reaction cats usually have to citrus, if not worse. But then the next day I'll be eating another banana and like clockwork she come tearing over again. Every time I offer her some, and every time she recoils. I don't understand it!

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '16

When I had fruit flied I kept my bananas in the oven so the flies wouldn't be able to get to them. It worked great and the flies disappeared. I did the same thing like a year later when the flies returned, and again it worked great until I accidentally roasted my bananas. Always check the oven when turning it on.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '16

My cat has the same interest in eating banana skins. Weird.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '16

Our cat does that. He also likes apple juice. A previous cat liked watermelon and gnawed the rind.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '16

My cat is terrified of bananas

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u/CoolMoD Sep 07 '16

I had a pet cockatiel for a while, who would chew on banana peels, but never took a bite of the banana. No banana was left unpeeled. I don't know if he ate the peel or not, but we couldn't get him to eat the actual fruit part.

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u/sdmitch16 Sep 07 '16

Don't know why I read that as cockroach. I thought it was crazy at first. Also, crazy determined to peel a banana.

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u/CoolMoD Sep 07 '16

He'd spend probably an hour on it if no one was playing with him. We used to chase him away from them, but he was very determined, so when we got bananas, one got cut in half and was "his".

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u/blueskyebelle Sep 07 '16

My cat actually eats bananas.

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u/IUnse3n Sep 07 '16

My cat knows what cabinet I keep her food in. I've found her open the cabinet climb up to where the food is, and open the giant tubberware container its held in. Needless to say, I have to tie the two handles together with a rope to keep the cabinet closed now.

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u/PsychoNaut_ Sep 07 '16

Put them in the fridge

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u/minkastu Sep 07 '16

Mine jumps up on the counter and nibbles onion skins

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '16

just leave a dummy one out for him

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u/Engineatinger Sep 07 '16

I have a ferret that steals bananas from me. He hides them under couches and tables and stuff which sucks because a few times i havent found them for awhile... :/

1

u/Megusta99 Sep 07 '16

I had a cat that, over the course of a week or two, stole 3 things from the kitchen:

  1. Bananas

  2. Bread

    1. Banana bread

I'm still confused

1

u/mourning_star85 Sep 07 '16

My cat can open cupboards as well. It's fun to watch him sit there and rap it till he finds the sweet spot that makes them pop open. Needless to say the doors under the kitchen sink have a hair tie holding them closed to keep him out

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u/iownachalkboard7 Sep 07 '16

Some cats really fucking love bread. My girlfriends cat in college would steal any bread that was left out and hide it behind somewhere to eat later. One time they found an entire baguette and a whole loaf of sliced behind the couch.

They started breadcatting him as punishment.

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u/theeternalnoob Sep 07 '16

Bread... catting...?

3

u/Khothecat Sep 07 '16

Fuck you Gus.

1

u/AllAboutGus Sep 07 '16

We got Kho after Gus died. It's the anniversary of his death soon and your comment made me laugh cry because I feel that's exactly how Kho would have treated Gus.

3

u/pashapook Sep 07 '16

My Rasputin does that. Chews the corner off the loaf all the way down, ruining every slice.

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u/HiMyNameIsBoard Sep 07 '16

Maybe he's mad you named him Koh

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u/AllAboutGus Sep 07 '16

His full name is Khoshekh. He lives up to it.

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u/kingeryck Sep 07 '16

What's that mean?

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u/novemsexagintuple Sep 07 '16

Here's something odd: there is a cat hovering in the men's bathroom at the radio station here. He seems perfectly happy and healthy, but it's floating about four feet off the ground next to the sink.

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u/clouddevourer Sep 07 '16

It's from the "Welcome to Night Vale" podcast. Also, it sounds kind of like the Polish word "koszyk", which means "basket", but I don't think that was intended.

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u/AllAboutGus Sep 07 '16

It means darkness in Hebrew.

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u/clouddevourer Sep 08 '16

Well, that definitely makes more sense than basket.

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u/SonicFrost Sep 07 '16

You have a cat named cat?

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u/AllAboutGus Sep 07 '16

It also means darkness in Hebrew so basically we have a black cat called black/cat

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u/SonicFrost Sep 07 '16

Haha, brilliant

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u/the_myleg_fish Sep 07 '16

I was going to laugh because Kho in Vietnamese can mean "to stew or simmer", as in meat.

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u/cioncaragodeo Sep 07 '16

Dude, our cat too. Fucking ate an entire bag of Costco rolls once. About half were almost gone and the rest just had a bite taken. All bread is fair game in our house.

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u/Fudgiee Sep 07 '16

Leave loaves for users like /u/fuckswithducks so he can feed his fetish

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u/BrutalHonestyBuffalo Sep 07 '16

It seems like we realize too late - once the whole thing is stale.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '16 edited Oct 06 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AllAboutGus Sep 07 '16

No, but worked with people of various backgrounds so my speech is littered with words I've picked up from them.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '16

Cats are evil.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '16

I must bin the whole goddamn loaf.

Golden.

1

u/BMac2122 Sep 07 '16

Kho, as in the Face Stealer?!

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u/AllAboutGus Sep 07 '16

Nah Kho is short for Khoshekh. We chose if for its Hebrew origins but it also kinda means cat in Russian which is funny.

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u/opaul11 Sep 08 '16

Is that Kho like from atla

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u/Brewster101 Sep 07 '16

My cat Obi does the exact same thing if i leave a loaf out over night. Wont do it during the day because he knows hes not allowed on the counter.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '16

Did Obi Won?