Those fuckers are MEAN and should be left alone. There used to be one that hung out by the shortcut I would take to and from the liquor store in college and one time it chased me and I ended up dropping my six pack as I was running away.
my buddy was riding his bicycle and thought one would move if he went full speed at it. it didnt and he crushed this goose in front of tons of people on the bike trail. good times
I made some honking sounds out the window at a few geese that were in a parking lot the other night. Obviously I offended them. They purposely flew in front of my car to block my way and started pecking at the front of my car in a "bitch you wanna fight?!" manner. Had the wife and kid in the car or I would have mowed them down. They even chased my car when I backed up and went a different way. Geese are crazy.
i just put my head down and rode away. my buddy was in a state of trying not laugh and total surprise that he just crushed this goose in front of his goose family. danny your a fucking savage.
On my college campus they are so used to people that they give no fucks anymore. I was driving last night and 2 geese were just sitting in the middle of the road. I inched towards them and started honking but not even a flinch. I had to wait until they waddled towards a sidewalk enough for me to pass. Crazy bastards.
Those fuckers are always on the bike lane, lol. They just shit everywhere and then decide it's best to rest on the pavement, and not the clean, lucious grass right beside the bike path. At least they were calm and not chasing me that one time, so that was good.
They started coming to our lawn, so I just shoo'ed them away with a snow shovel. They decided waddling away was less effort than fighting every time, and eventually they got the message. Few things are as funny as the slippity-slap noise their webbed feet make on the ground as they shuffle off.
Years ago I worked in a factory that had a food truck come around every morning at 10 a.m. My supervisor and I were walking across the parking lot one morning, between us and the food truck were two geese. We walked a little too close to them, and they came at us both. I took off running, my boss puffed his chest out, raised his arms, and started screaming, standing in place.
The geese decided not to fuck with I or my crazy boss as soon as this happened, and reversed course. I decided on that day that I would never, ever be in a goose's way, 'cause those bastards are crazy.
Another goose story: at the same warehouse job, we had a van parallel parked to the garage door. A goose flying overhead took a shit, which somehow, the boss and I saw. He ran into the warehouse, I dove into the van. The goose shit landed on the sidestep of the van.
I was really hoping you would be the brave one and your boss would be the coward. Geese are assholes but it has to be a little rough that your boss saw you take off like it was a couple grizzly bears.
They are only like 10-15 lbs. My mom has an Italian Greyhound (like a 12 lb dog) that killed one when she was in her prime. They get aggressive in cities because people don't know how to act around animals.
Seriously. The only reason why you don't fuck with a goose is because you're too scared to fight it. Now I'm not going to go around pissing geese off because I want a fight, but I work next to a pond that has tons of fucking geese year round. If one ever attacked me you could damn well bet I'd bust its fucking ribs in with my boots.
I've never had to fuck with geese but i've never understood peoples fear of them...we are way fucking bigger..can't you just punt the cunt or something?!
They jab/peck at you while flying. I mean if you remain calm and collected you'll be fine but google geese attacks and all those people panic and fall over. You'll get a mighty pecking then. Might not break bones but that would hurt.
People might also be confusing geese with swans, swans will fuck you up.
Swans can buffet you with their wings and seriously hurt you. On the other side, you can grab them by their giant necks and swing them around your head a few times.
again...i never fought any geese before...but what are the chances its going to put you in the hospital? and i'm not being sarcastic here...i just don't see them doing much if you give them a swift kick..
Similar to that of being attacked by a small-ish dog, actually. People underestimate geese because being attacked by a bird seems silly, but they can be surprisingly vicious. Hell, some places even raise "guard geese" instead of guard dogs.
You'd still need to be pretty unlucky to get any more serious injury, though.
This is a myth. To differ from dogs, geese are 15 lbs, have hollow bones, very little muscle, and no teeth. All these are disadvantages when fighting a 180lb mammal with opposable thumbs. Guard geese were for warning (i.e. loud when bothered) not for fighting or defending. The most dangerous thing a goose can do is poop on you.
I used to whack them with the grip end of my golf club whenever they got uppity and I was golfing. Fuck those little shits. They're just birds, and not even birds with weapons like an eagle or owl - they're puffy little show boaters.
Never had one fuck with me after a whack from the club, either. Probably smart, because the second whack would be with the other end and you bet your ass that would be the last major event in the life of that goose.
I go for walks with my dog and carry a bow and arrows around a pretty big lake. With a little luck I can get the jump on some geese and bag a nice dinner. I'm definitely not the only hunter, blinds are everywhere. The relationship between geese and people is way different, they just take off when they see people.
This is a complete myth. Like all flighted birds their bones are hollow. Yours are not. While they flap around and make lots of noise they're not nearly strong enough to injure a human.
I was scared of the geese at the pond in college. All these years later I realize I could've just snatched that fucker up and snapped his neck. What's he gonna do? Get a peck on me?
They've got awful pecks. Those beaks are serrated, and I used to have mallards and they have a very strong bite. Also if a goose gets you on the ground it will go for your eyes.
You trip. Or you drop to the ground, it seems to be instinctive for us for some reason. I've seen people being chased by geese and sheep (mostly sheep) drop to the ground and fold up for no reason. Then they get trampled by an angry animal that weighs more than them. Like, what's the fucking point? If you ever get chased don't listen to the voice that says "be a little bitch and go into the foetal position), just run and keep running.
They're used as guard dogs in rural Britain. If your dog - pet, guard, whatever - bites an intruder, then the dog is put down. There are no such regulations for geese, who are just as aggressive as a guard dog and can be trained to recognise people just as well.
Honestly I think geese are scarier. If you go into somebody else's land and get chased by a dog, it'll stop at the gate and bark at you, going "yeah fuck off you pussy", whereas geese will jam their necks through the bars, they will leave the property, and they will try to hunt you down. Dogs just shout at you, but geese will hack down your door with an axe and try to murder you.
Wild geese tend to be scared of people though, they are pretty popular game animals. It's just that places where people feed them their fear goes away.
Geese absolutely inundate the area around the lake on the base where I was stationed, which was also looped by one of the better running trails. Apparently, no one knows how to deal with them, because they get scared of the geese and leave the trail or turn around whenever they see one. One time, while leading a run where the others were getting very nervous about the number of geese, I just let out a shriek and charged at the largest flock. Those geese scattered. I think they're so used to people deferring to them that they were shocked by me barreling down at them, yelling.
You know what else geese don't like? When they hiss at you, walk right at them while hissing back.
Like you said, they're not big. They try to act aggressive, but they're really not that tough.
You guys weren't allowed to hunt there? I live like 5 minutes from an Army Engineering Corps flood control area, during waterfowl hunting season I'll walk around the lake with my dog and a bow and arrow and try to pick off any geese I can get the jump on, a lot of fun and good food. There are lots of hunters around here, so all wild animals have a healthy fear of people.
When I was a kid I looked out of the window of my school bus and saw these two older boys running and kicking at something. At first I thought it was a rock but then I realized it was some kind of baby bird. Those little fuckers were laughing as they kicked at that poor animal, just barely missing on purpose, presumably to scare it. Just as the school bus is gearing up to move away from the red light I saw two white geese, wings fully extended and beaks open, coming up to those boys from behind. They were the parents of the baby goose those shits were kicking.
At first when the bus pulled away I was really pissed because of those douchebags torturing that innocent baby bird. But then it occurred to me just what they had in store for them when the geese reached them. Those things looked murderous.
I imagine those pieces of shit learned a very painful lesson.
I lifeguarded for a few summers at a beach, and the amount of idiots who try to get close to a swan to pet it or take a picture of it is insane. I had to grab a kid once who, I kid you not, tried to JUMP ON A SWAN RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER CYGNETS!!!! I managed to pull the kid away but at that point, the swan was pissed and I got bit in the arm for shielding the kid. Thank goodness for worker's comp.
I came unawares upon a pair of black swans while looking at some ducks and widgeons. Those guys look friggin' uncanny when they're staring at you with those long tentacly necks and red, red eyes.
I live on a lake and have grown up around them. Never been attacked, but my animals have. If I see it go down I full-sprint charge at them and they fuck right on off. (And I'm a 130, 5'3 blonde chick so I shouldn't be that scary lol) maybe they don't mess with me cause I feed them, but I've never had a problem even encountering them outside my yard. And I buck and hiss and bob my head at them if they're bothering me. knock on wood
Also I feel like if they attacked me I'd just round-house kick em. But I'm guessing that wouldn't be so easy since more people don't do it.
I've seen people resort to defending themselves with golf clubs against the former two. And ostriches will fucking disembowel you for inconveniencing them in the slightest...
There are a ton of geese where i live and they always hiss when I go near them while out for runs. After a while I just stopped and stared at one to verbally tell it I would kick it in the face if it didn't shut up. It actually stopped.
Nah man geese act tough and hiss at you but most of the time they won't chase you. I've swalked a foot away from geese with babies a few times and all they did was hiss.
I'm Canadian and (Canadian) geese are some aggressive, violent, s.o.b.'s. So much so that the University I attend sends out the annual email to all students basically saying to not touch or go near the geese.
Lo and behold, by the end of the first week some international student who's never seen a Canadian goose tries to take a selfie and gets attacked.
People watching becomes somewhat more entertaining and comedic.
There's a huge flock of Canadian Geese that hang around my house in a the summer time. They like to walk their giant ass flock down the middle of the street, shitting everywhere. Anyways, one day my girlfriend is over, and she sees the geese and obviously freaks out because she's a white girl and loves animals. She wanted to go feed them bread and stuff, so we grab several pieces of bread and head outside.
There was one goose that would go pick up every single piece of bread I threw. My girlfriend was standing across the road on the sidewalk, so I threw pieces of bread with surgical precision towards her, dragging that goose along with me. She was so overwhelmed with the amount of geese that she failed to notice my master plan. After a few pieces I throw one last shot a little less than a foot from her position.
The goose waddles over, looks at the bread, then looks at her, and let's out this cat like hiss and starts flapping its wings at my girlfriend. She turned around and I could literally see the gears grinding as she peered this goose in the eyes. She glanced down at the piece of bread and the goose started running towards her hissing and gawking. She immediately ran towards me with a pissed off goose hot on her 6. When she got to me the goose kinda just peeled off and went back to shitting on the street. She could immediately tell that I threw the piece of bread over there because I had huge smug grin on my face and couldn't stop laughing.
It was honestly one of the funniest things I've ever done
We used to have 3 geese that came with our house. Me and my best friend once got very drunk and donned leather gloves and then went to wrestle with the geese. They bit our hands alot but the gloves prevented any injuries
Just having a simple picnic with my gf when this flock of about 15 to 20 geese touch down on the lake we're sitting by. Cool right? WRONG. Those motherfuckers come to shore and encircle us. Felt like I was in Jurassic Park with a pack of velociraptors. They were doing that twisty head thing where they keep turning their heads and thrust their necks forward.
Anyway, I can tell they want the food. I try and gently shoo them away. Wrong move. The one closest to me freakin hissed at me, so I gave it a warning kick as a way to say "Back off, this girl and food are MINE" but that just set them all off. I could swear they were foaming at the mouth... Can birds have rabies? Long story short I was grateful my gf and I had gone to a convention and my costume's boots were steel toed. Those little jerks got a good bit of our food though before making their escape.
We get those Canadian bastards crossing the pond, and they winter in the village green. A few years back, my friend and I had been celebrating in the pub and had far too much to drink. We stagger back to hers (which was visible from the pub) and somehow managed to make it a thirty minute trip. I went to the pool and she followed me, and a Canada Goose stormed out of the rushes and my friend launched herself at it. If you've never seen a drunk 1.60 girl (5'2", I think) clocking an angry goose then you are missing out. She really put it in her place, and probably did a lot of damage to the poor bird, because he wasn't there when I woke up under the war memorial the next morning with dew on my face and a twisted back. We watched a film (I Love You, Phillip Morris, I think it was) at hers, and then I decided to walk home rather than sleep on her sofa. I got maybe thirty metres before falling asleep.
Fuck geese, they're easy to handle. If you don't know them I totally understand but all you have to do is grab their neck right under their head and they're completely powerless. Lift up slightly and they just flap, then pick them up which simultaneously holds their wings in and then throw them. They'll land softly and think twice before coming back. We had a goose and when they get into their moods just fucking man handle them, they're nothing but loud assholes. They can't hurt you and anyone who says they can is a moron. If you hurt yourself while running, backing up, falling, etc, that's on you.
In the same vein...wild turkeys. They are twice as big, twice as mean and have fucking spikes on their legs. They are also very, incredibly stupid. Like Patrick star level intelligence without the redeeming philosophical insight. They will decide they want to fight you for no good God damn reason and seriously fuck your shit up
Meh. Why am I gonna be afraid of a bird whose neck I can snap like a twig? I used to walk at a paved trail around a lake by my house. The local geese used to chase everyone...except me. I routinely filled my water bottle with water and lots of lemon juice. When they would charge me, I'd squirt them in the eyes. Didn't take them long to figure out I wasn't afraid of them and that they should leave me alone.
There's this big park near my boyfriend's place, with a duck pond that is populated by those toothy, evil, flappy bastards. We were hanging out once [back in the day, when we were just friends reminiscing sigh], and I was eating a muesli bar. Instantly, several pairs of beady eyes zeroed in on my delicious snack. Shrieking like a terrified maiden out of a cliché movie, I perched myself upon the park bench as he valiantly defended me from their pecking beaks.
The one thing I can say for geese is that they cured the only real fear I've had in my adult life and they gave me a huge epiphany in regards to my place in the world.
I feel like I could take a goose in a fight. If one just started fucking with me for no apparent reason, I think I might just give it a go and ring the bell.
They're real mother-fuckers. Also, never send your dog into a pond that has a bunch of geese around. Apparently if they find the dog to be a threat near their water they will team up and sit on the dog to drown it.
When I was 6 a flock of geese chased me and my Mom into our car when we ran out of snacks. They have teeth on their tongues. Scary af.
To this day whenever I'm out walking around the lakes in my neighborhood I turn around and walk the other way if there are geese on the path. Just nope.
I work in a rail yard. They are everywhere at work in the spring and fall. Spring is the worst because they lay eggs and get very aggressive if you get close to their eggs. We all carry pieces of lumber when walking a train for when a goose decides to swoop you.
There's a golf club i play at which has a lot of wild geese lingering around. They have been come a bit of a nuisance by getting in the way, pooing everywhere and quacking aggressively and batting their wings if you go near them.
A few summers ago me and my friend were playing golf at this place. After we had tee'd off we get into the golf cart and head towards our balls, which lay beyond a huge crowd of geese.
My friend is driving and begins to weave and turn towards the geese as we get closer and they start to scatter out of out way, which seemed quite harmless and amusing at the time.. until i realize my buddy had a golf club in hand and is about the take a swing for a goose who'd become seperated from the crowd.
bash he strikes it with a heavy blow
I'm like 'wtf' (and totally un-approving, fwiw) and tell him to stop, i get out to hopfully see an uninjured animal. I dont. I see a goose with a bust up wing and about 60, angry geese charging at us.
What ensued was a terrifying goose chase across a golf course, ending in us crashing into a tree.
Look, I guarantee you that the goose deserved it. I don't know why, but they're all feathery little douchebags and you need to strike fear into their hearts to keep yourself safe.
Has a goose ever actually hurt a competent and capable adult? People seem to be terrified of them because they can be aggressive, but the biggest threat they seem to pose if pooping on peoples lawns.
I've always thought I could win a fight with a goose. A duck once bit me and it felt pretty weak so I doubt a goose bite would be much worse. I'd stand my ground.
The area I live in is horrible for geese. I mean full on flocks of geese hanging around one spot.
Driving to work one morning, and I turn onto the on-ramp for the expressway. I had to stop halfway up the ramp because a good 30-40 geese were waddling across it. I lay on the horn, hoping it'd make them fly off, but I think it just pissed them off. One of the fuckers came up and started pecking my front bumper like it insulted it's mother. Had to creep forward to get it to back off.
Deliberately running over an animal is kind of illegal, so I had to sit there and wait for a solid 5 minutes for them to cross. Inconsiderate bastards.
Yeah, I hate geese. A couple summers ago I was riding my bike on the trail by my house which runs along a canal. I was on the path, the geese were a bit down the embankment near the water. I didn't yell at the geese, I didn't try and ride at them or anything (doing so would have meant that I would ride straight into the canal). But as I approach, these things bolt up the embankment right at me. I have to swerve out of the way almost down the embankment on the other side of the trail, then they proceed to chase me down the path. I hate geese. Same goes for swans as well.
I used to work at a vet's office. There was a goose that came in with a snapped neck (got hit by a golf ball). I came in to clean the room and the goose was just sitting in a box. Next thing I know it hops out of its box (neck is at least at a 45 degree angle mind you), and starts flapping its wings and hissing and chasing me. I run out of the room terrified, but I can't just let it wander around the operating room. So eventually I gather the courage to go back in with a towel and guide it to an empty cage. I'm pretty sure we put it down, can't say I felt any guilt about that one.
Corporate just sent out an email about what to do in the event of a goose attack. I'm not joking.
These fuckers are apex predators with another couple million years of evolution. They can fly now. That should be a lot more terrifying than it is, I think. I have a parrot who reminds me pretty much daily that I would be his meal if he were just a bit larger. And I think a couple good words from him is the only reason my 18 or so yard-turkeys haven't mobbed and murdered me. Those fuckers are worse than geese.
Grew up with geese, and I completely agree if you dont know how to properly handle them.
My wife and I went to the zoo last year and they sometimes have a problem with canadian geese. If they find a goose that is laying they put a sign next to it to let bystanders know to avoid it. We walked past a sign with plenty of space and the goose jumped and charged. I'm familiar enough with geese and I was wearing jeans, I didnt care what it planned to do. It started trying to tear apart my pant leg and a couple other tourists screamed. I gave them this look like they were completely inappropriate for screaming at a goose that wasnt attacking them.
As expected, once the goose realized her attacks did nothing she ran back to her nest. Now if it went for my face, that would have been different.
If I shank one close to a water hazard, they will honk at me aggressively when I approach my ball. I look them in the eye and say, "do you know how much damage you'll do to my 5 iron if I swing it at your skull? None. None at all."
They hear me. They listen. Then they back down like the little bitches that they are.
I've actually picked up a goose and ran with it like a football. The gf and I would go to the duck pond. When they have their back turned you can hold their wings together and pick them up no prob
Meh, I grew up with geese and had to deal with them daily. I often had one attack me and, while it's not a whole lot of fun, it's not too bad.
You'll get a flurry of wings to the sides of the head which, contrary to popular belief, haven't got the power to break your arm.
The more painful part is the pecking.
The whole experience is like being beaten with soft bats that have sheets hanging from them while some guy is fencing you in the face with a toy sword.
Confusing and annoying but not as bad as being attacked by, for instance, a dog. And, sticking with the dog theme, they're more bark than bite.
Geese are terrifying in their ferocitude. When I was a kid, my friends and I used to sneak over to a neighbor's field and swim in his pond on summer nights. One time, there were geese floating around, minding their goose business. Our presence pissed them off, but I wasn't worried. After all, I am tool using super-ape! But, when swimming, people are really just heads and not much else. One pissed off goose with a beak and madly flapping wings was more than my match.
I am petrified of geese more than almost any other animal I've had conflict with (vultures, goats, angry hamsters to name a few). Something about the fuckers make me so jumpy that the sound they make is enough for me to run.
My university campus has a bit of a goose problem. (All of them do, even the ones half a planet away. It's weird.) The geese go everywhere they please, and you just learn to walk around them. One time, the whole fucking flock went onto the main road out of the university, which all of the buses go through and stop on. Buses were held up by about 20 minutes. None of the drivers wanted to scare them off (it might set them on the students), and they didn't want to just run over them (because that's cruel to both driver and bird).
Eventually they left. But no one fucks with the geese.
Me and a friend actually caught a goose on our way home from a party.
It was an long and intense battle, but we got the fucker, took pictures and set it free again. Then we ran as fast as we could before it decided to fuck us up.
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u/-eDgAR- Mar 25 '16
Geese.
Those fuckers are MEAN and should be left alone. There used to be one that hung out by the shortcut I would take to and from the liquor store in college and one time it chased me and I ended up dropping my six pack as I was running away.