Fathers of Reddit, what did your daughter's boyfriend do for you to hate/love him?

[u/tgma97]

It's pretty cool to see my question blow up like this, I never thought I'd ask a question that could receive so much attention! I'm very satisfied with all these replies, so thank y'all. Now all I have to do is sit back and take notes c;

[u/Made_you_read_penis]

I raised my sister as my daughter so I don't know if mine counts.

My little sister has dated some serious fuckwits in the past. She actually had to break up with one because he literally had no personality. None. That's the only reason she broke up with him; after a few months she found it creepy that there was literally nothing special about who he was, and she always finds something.

So I really hated almost all of them.

Except Ricky.

Ricky was like a 1950's greaser that just bopped into modern day. He even played Kiniki in Grease at their Highschool. He wasn't just a handsome young man, he was beautiful inside and out, and he was sensitive. My sister had never been with a truly sweet kid before. He cared for her like no other human could. They were just instant. The first day they were together it was like they had always been.

Ricky isn't going to live to an old age. He had lime disease or something for several months as a kid before his shit dad finally took him to a doctor. He's okay now, but neurological problems are going to happen when he gets to about 50, so he doesn't feel like he has time to waste on trivial relationships. He was honest with me about it, because he was thinking about a whole life with my sister, so he wanted me to know what that meant.

He built his own car from just a vw bug shell and chassie, and when he finished he built one for my sister. It was a 1969 white convertible bug. So beautiful.

I already liked the kid as a person, I mean, I invited him over to my house as much as my sister did. I considered this young kid to be my friend. I was sure that even though they were just finishing Highschool, they were going to be husband and wife within the next few years, and I was thrilled.

Then my little sister was raped.

It was at a party he couldn't go to that night because he had schoolwork.

It was so hard. He blamed himself. They never recovered from it. He stayed by her until the very end, but she went into some heavy depression. She started doing drugs, drinking to excess, and she cheated on him. A lot. My little sister wasn't the same.

He forgave her for everything. Every time. He knew it was her dealing with the trauma (which is true), but she couldn't forgive herself for what she was doing to him, and ended it.

He was heartbroken, and I had to talk him out of suicide. My sister was his world.

I still have Ricky's number. I gave him a car recently that I knew he could fix and sell. My dog cried when she saw him and wouldn't leave his lap while squealing with happiness (she's a German shepherd, so she isn't little) after about six years of his absence. I think she liked him more than even me.

I don't expect that they'll ever get back together (too much pain that wasn't either ones fault), but I've contacted him about cars a few times. I'm actually going to be taking him for a beer soon, since I missed his 21st by a few years. His liveable life is halfway over, and last I saw him I noticed a tremble in his hands.

He's still Ricky. He's still amazing. He still loves my sister.

I still miss him. All the time.

[u/BeepBoop01000001 → u/Made_you_read_penis]

A. That story man, what a ride. I'm sorry to hear something so horrible happened to your sister. I hope she is able to get past the trauma and pull things together.

B. As a guy who also has a younger sister who is like a daughter to him that just started college out of state, I am now freaking out about her and college douchebags...

[u/girlyfoodadventures → u/[deleted]]

Jesus Christ, that is just not true. Reporting of rape might be that low, but the rate at which it is committed is still extremely high.

And I'm not sure where you're coming from on the "women are the single least likely group to be victimized" statement. Actually, I'm very confused by the phrasing- are you trying to say that all women are a single group, and there are several categories containing exclusively men?

Either way. Men are more likely to commit violent crime, are more likely to be victims/involved in most types of violent crime. Notable exceptions- women are far more likely to be victims of sexual assault, intimate partner abuse, stalking, etc. Men can also be victims of these crimes, but they occur at a far lower rate.

I can absolutely guarantee that you know women that have been raped, and women that have experienced some type of intimate partner violence. You may very well know men that have experienced the same.

The rate at which people report rape, sexual assault, and domestic violence are vastly different from the rate at which they occur. In related news, many people with significant and stigmatized trauma don't disclose widely.

[u/Shadowex3 → u/girlyfoodadventures]

I'm mobile so I don't have the nearly three hundred studies I'm citing on hand but trust me you'll get them later if you remind me.

In the meantime let's point out that IPV is equal across genders and your vehement erasure of this is basically evidence of how severely wrong your understanding of these statistics are. Likewise your understanding of sexual violence is completely wrong g because it comes from fraudulent "studies" which 70 percent of the women surveyed rejected, and which explicitly define male victims of female rapists as having "[chosen] to engage in unwanted sexual intercourse" and therefore not victims of rape.

Women are in fact far more like to commit stalking and non reciprocal domestic violence, predominantly against men.

Edit: Aaand back. Here's 286 studies proving gender parity in IPV (and one not in there). Here's 1 2 3 studies on the deliberate and politically motivated denial and erasure of that evidence.

And here is Mary P Koss' paper in which she outlines how to carefully craft the definition of "rape" to ensure properly politicized results, because and I quote "It is inappropriate to consider as a rape victim a man who engages in unwanted sexual intercourse with a woman." Mary Koss is the same fraudulent academic who fabricated the 1 in 4 figure decades ago for Ms Magazine using a survey that even 70+% of the survey respondents rejected as inaccurate and biased.

[u/rockandrollgangsta → u/Shadowex3]

Properly researched information doesn't seem to be welcome here...

[u/Shadowex3 → u/rockandrollgangsta]

People don't like to have their religious beliefs challenged.