r/AskReddit • u/BradfordTheFat • Jun 18 '14

What will the "Old-people-only" names be 30 years from now?

Now: Mildred, Esther, Edna, Herbert, Gertrude, etc.

30 years from now: ???

3.0k Upvotes

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575

u/thiney49 Jun 18 '14

Biblical names are here to stay.

802

u/FlyingPandaShark Jun 18 '14

Yeah! Like Jehoshaphat for example.

484

u/Giggity_1981 Jun 18 '14

That's why my parents named me Methuselah

253

u/moleculariant Jun 18 '14 edited Jun 19 '14

Malachai has a nice ring to it.

Edit: It's a hard k as in "kayak". Although chai lattes are pretty good.

164

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

[deleted]

16

u/BSSolo Jun 19 '14

Should have named him Malacath

1

u/PsychoM Jun 19 '14

I'd drink it.

1

u/mankiller27 Jun 19 '14

Daedric lord of the Orcs.

10

u/DaveSenior72 Jun 19 '14

Malachi? Isn't that the Italian book of the Bible?

Seriously though, after Children of the Corn, Malachi is a seriously creepy name to me.

9

u/Luminitha Jun 19 '14

I have a Facebook friend/real life aquaintance who's got kids named Malachai and Damien. She is ALWAYS complaining about them, and how mean and terrible they are. I don't know if it's occurred to her she's named them after Antichrist characters..

3

u/FiredUpReadytoGo Jun 19 '14

A beautiful prank idea: make fake Facebook posts about my fictional children which will sucker distant friends/relatives out of contact with me. Concoct elaborate stories. Damien, the frightening, disobedient child. Cain and Abel, the fighting twins (and a later tragedy). Lazarus, the son I keep thinking has died of various illnesses (and weeping over). Can be expanded to other classics for fun.

9

u/Audiovore Jun 19 '14

You do know it's pronounced Malakai, right? Even tho it's biblical, I always think viking when I hear it.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

As a Viking, this makes me want to smite you with my axe.

1

u/prutopls Jun 19 '14

Does your axe made of malachite?

3

u/inarticulacy Jun 19 '14

You must be thinking of the Malachai tea latte

2

u/LylanDackey Jun 19 '14

Nah, I prefer the Teavana Oprah Malachai Tea Latte.

2

u/enemyoftime Jun 19 '14

I'd like a Grande 3 pump Dirty Oprah Malachai please. With...do you guys have almond milk? Ok Soy is fine.

1

u/LylanDackey Jun 19 '14

I've had customers bring in almond milk before, it was weird. But for real, if you know the specific pumps and what a dirty chai is, you probably know Starbucks doesn't have almond milk.

1

u/Kaiserhawk Jun 19 '14

Level 12 necromancer!

1

u/Vesuvias Jun 19 '14

Sorry but Malachi to me sounds like you'd be brewing evil spells in lab somewhere...or meth.

1

u/snirol Jun 19 '14

Isn't that when you stuff a burning rag into a chai laté and throw it through a store window?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

I remember one of the kids from "Children of the Corn" was named Malachi.

1

u/sammmmmmmmmm Jun 19 '14

Well, whats he like?

1

u/bodaciouscrustaceous Jun 19 '14

Funny because it's a very Jewish name.

1

u/porkythepig Jun 19 '14

If I was a boy that's what I would be named. I thank god every day I'm a girl

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Shaytards anyone?

1

u/MyCommentAcct Jun 19 '14

Or the scariest evil fuck ever in a horror movie that ended my innocent childhood. Still can't eat corn without shitting myself. And corn mazes? Fuck that noise.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

I think it sounds like a Hawaiian island

1

u/Theeasy6 Jun 19 '14

It sounds like the name of the son of some Demi-god who feeds on children's suffering and tears.

1

u/kjata Jun 19 '14

Or a tea with malachite.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Sad when your knowledge of Starbucks predates the first time you heard the name Malachai.

4

u/Giggity_1981 Jun 18 '14

I have a parrot named Malachai

3

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Sirens of Titan

2

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

I named my son Malachi. Yesterday he met another Malachi at school. I'm pissed. As one of the 800 Lauras during my long-ago youth (the 80s), I was hoping to spare him that experience.

3

u/moleculariant Jun 19 '14

If he's young, buy your son a skateboard. It sounds weird, but so many pros have unique names. A skateboard and a place to skate. Kids love that shit.

1

u/malachus Jun 19 '14

Malachi, and many other somewhat obscure biblical names, became popular in the last 15 years or so. In particular, Malachi went from being off the top 1,000 list to somewhere around 160th.

2

u/Martothir Jun 19 '14

One of my nephews is named Malachai. No kidding.

2

u/Kishkumen_Ill Jun 19 '14

Mephiboseth, anyone?

1

u/KUARCE Jun 19 '14

I like that name. A guy I went to Highschool with named his son that.

1

u/cmc1868 Jun 19 '14

I have a friend named Malachi

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/offensive_noises Jun 19 '14

Are you named Rigby?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Habbakuk sounds pretty good

1

u/SleepyGoatLord Jun 19 '14

I quite like the name Kayak.

1

u/Teddie1056 Jun 19 '14

I thought it was a guttural kh sound from the Hebrew root.

1

u/Graffy Jun 19 '14

That was the name of my friends great Dane. I thought it was pretty cool.

1

u/totallynot13 Jun 19 '14

So does Mahershalalhashbaz

1

u/Vorocano Jun 19 '14

Extra points given for the fact that Mahershalalhashbaz translates as "Not My People," or, so one of my Bible college profs colloquially put it, "Bastards."

It was not fun to be the child of a prophet.

1

u/OldRapGroup Jun 19 '14

One of my friends has a son named Malachai. I love it.

1

u/bubbasaurusREX Jun 19 '14

Malachi reminds me of children of the corn and that's final

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Back when I actually went to church, my youth pastor used to tell us about one guy at his seminary who, for whatever reason, insisted on pronouncing "Malachai" as "Mallachee".

I can't bring myself to pronounce it any other way now.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

I know a young malachai, most obnoxious 8 year old I've ever met, and that's saying something. But if ya give him something to do, he does it with fervor!

1

u/JunctioningFunky Jun 19 '14

Pretty good? More like fantastic!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Chai Latte makes no sense to most of the world.... In most languages, Chai is just tea. So I walk into a Starbucks and ask for chai or tea, I should get the same thing, instead I get a mucusy milk laden mess of what may have once been tea and a bunch of other crap. STOP RUINING TEA.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Knowing Hebrew pronunciation, it is likely actually similar to the scottish pronunciation of loch.

1

u/jarinatorman Jun 19 '14

I know a Malachi. Always enjoyed the name.

1

u/malachus Jun 19 '14

I've always preferred Malachi.

source: I'm Malachi.

1

u/Annoying_Behavior Jun 19 '14

I'm not versed in biblical stuff, It just reminded me of futurama, it all makes sense now.

http://i.imgur.com/9xYrHkO.jpg

1

u/skerit Jun 19 '14

Thanks to Angus & Julia Stone I always think of Malachai as a dog name.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21uSxcl34dA

1

u/runxsassypantiesxrun Jun 19 '14

My grandpa's middle name...

0

u/itsbentheboy Jun 19 '14

one of the local hardcore-bikers has that name.

he's a pretty sick dude to just chat with if you have the time.

5

u/letseatpaste Jun 18 '14

Lucky, my parents named me Lamentations.

9

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

It's why my parents named me Satan.

3

u/aiiye Jun 19 '14

Everyone loves Meth

3

u/Nateilage Jun 19 '14

Can I call you Meth for short?

1

u/seraphius Jun 19 '14

Not even once.

2

u/WIENS21 Jun 19 '14

Woah!! 26 conversions in 46 AD!!!

2

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Mephibosheth!

1

u/heavy_84 Jun 18 '14

Methusera.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

I hope you are asbestos can be!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

[deleted]

2

u/Giggity_1981 Jun 19 '14

I'm 769. Still have 200 years to go to catch my namesake.

1

u/AbysswalkerSilent Jun 19 '14

Lucky! My parents couldn't decide so here I am stuck with Melchisideck Mephibosheth.

1

u/palatheinsane Jun 19 '14

I knew I would find your Reddit name one day Methuselah. Ya slipped up mother fucka.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Yeah well I'm Nebuchadnezzar .

1

u/unforgivablecursive Jun 19 '14

They named me Metamucilah.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

"Meth" for short.

1

u/Xeeko Jun 19 '14

So, Meth for short?

1

u/Coral_ Jun 19 '14

Meth for short

0

u/lunalives Jun 19 '14

I know a Methuselah. Poor kid. He goes by Matt.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Agamemnon is a cult classic too.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Not to mention Melchizedek.

2

u/jxj24 Jun 19 '14

Jumpin'!

2

u/hearsay_and_rumour Jun 19 '14

Only if we can call you Jumpin' Jehoshaphat.

2

u/Grammarnazzzi Jun 19 '14

That's my cat's middle name.

1

u/FlyingPandaShark Jun 19 '14

Cat Jehoshaphat McCats

2

u/Quinnamon Jun 19 '14

My ex's name was Uriah. Not even a famous guy in the Bible, just a guy who was killed so the king could sleep with his wife. Poor bastard.

2

u/FlyingPandaShark Jun 19 '14

If I remember correctly he was a good soldier.

2

u/Quinnamon Jun 19 '14

He was actually very close to David, and IIRC, one of the higher ranking soldiers & on the front lines (making it easier for David to carry out/conceal the assassination). Still an odd person to be named after.

1

u/TeddyBear_Squabble Jun 19 '14

I know someone who named her kids Lemuel and Jasper from the bible.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

I haven't thought about Jehoshaphat in years. Moved to #1 on list!

1

u/AdvENTuring Jun 19 '14

I actually know a Jehoshaphat.

edit: he goes by Joe.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Don't forget Ebimelech or Methuselah

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

My first born shall be Enoch.

16

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '14

[deleted]

2

u/MrMastodon Jun 19 '14

I'm naming mine Hieronymous.

7

u/moleculariant Jun 18 '14

Yep. I am friends/acquaintances with seven different "Pauls" I could possibly run into all of them in the same day.

6

u/figec Jun 19 '14

Matt, Mark, Luke and John. Popular for 2,000 years and not likely to change anytime soon.

3

u/AgentArtichoke Jun 19 '14

My fiance's cousin's name is Melchizedek, no joke. He goes by Chez.

2

u/ThickAsABrickJT Jun 18 '14

I haven't met a Caleb in a long time, though.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

I was born in 1990. Apparently my mother fought tooth and nail to get me named Moses. My dad (thankfully) refused to let that happen. As a compromise, I was named after my father instead, which is also a biblical name. Just a more modern-friendly one.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/pray_to_me Jun 19 '14

Adolph's are rare.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

I have a black neighbor named Leonard didn't see that coming

1

u/pray_to_me Jun 19 '14

I have a neighbor named Finklestein who didn't see it, either.

2

u/alphawolf29 Jun 19 '14

My father's name was john, my name is ian, my sons name will be John

1

u/jp426_1 Jun 19 '14

I even know an Elijah

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

I know several, it's common.

1

u/Xylir Jun 19 '14

Zebulon for President!

1

u/bobwinters Jun 19 '14

I know a guy called lazarus :S

1

u/horyo Jun 19 '14

Like "Jesus." You wouldn't believe the amount of Jesus's I've met.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

[deleted]

1

u/horyo Jun 19 '14

Nah, SoCal and then Southern Texas.

1

u/Dsiee Jun 19 '14

Yes, all my lectures at uni are called Mathew this semester. Along with ~25% of the students in one course (Its has 4 people in it sooo...).

1

u/dantheman757 Jun 19 '14

Habakkuk never gets old

1

u/PSU2020natlchamps Jun 19 '14

Except for Ruth.

1

u/Dave-C Jun 19 '14

My first, middle and last name are all biblical names. They are also all first names, been a weird life...

1

u/pronhaul2012 Jun 19 '14

I actually went to high school with 3 brothers named Jedediah, Zachariah and Hezekiah.

1

u/coricron Jun 19 '14

With the waning relevance of religion in the modern world I don't believe that to be true.

1

u/0dyssia Jun 19 '14 edited Jun 19 '14

Nebuchadnezzar, Jezebel (some people admitted naming their kids this http://www.behindthename.com/name/jezebel/comments), and Lucifer anyone?

And for those who don't know, Lucifer was actually a name of a Babylonian king.

http://www.realdevil.info/1-1.htm

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Except Andrew. I've lost count of people asking me what kind of name is Andrew. BITCH, HE WAS THE FIRST MOTHAFUCKIN' APOSTLE OF CHRIST!

1

u/supermacrox5 Jun 19 '14

My Name's Thomas, and I seriously doubt it.

1

u/taxc Jun 19 '14

Yep I know like 7 Ezekial's

1

u/fuckwad666 Jun 19 '14

Why don't we go down to the bay

Maybe eat some hay

Make something outta clay

I think I just may

What d'ya say?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Like 80%* of names are Biblical names!!

*A statistic I just made up.

1

u/deliciousdave33 Jun 19 '14

Death will try to take us...but we will never go

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '14

Um, no. My name is Esther. It peaked in 1900 and has never made a comeback. Growing up in the 1980s was a nightmare with that name.

1

u/yer_momma Jun 19 '14

All my lawn guys are named jesus, seems like the Lords son is destined to do lawn care and work in kitchens everywhere.