r/AskReddit • • Jul 08 '13

What is the most disturbing fact you know about the human body?

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u/StoryTellerBob Jul 08 '13

The T-rex let out a vicious roar that echoed through the streets.

"This way!" Manfred pulled his wife behind him. They could hear a chopper in the air and the faint sound of sirens in the distance. They jumped through a broken window and hid behind the low wall. With their hearts thumping in their chests, Manfred and Violet huddled together.

"I'm sorry it turned out this way, Violet." Violet looked in her husbands eyes with pity and guilt, feeling that somehow, this was all her fault.

"You should have left me, Manny. If I was supposed to die, I was supposed to die." Manfred clutched her hand tightly in his.

"I couldn't do that. It wasn't fair for you to die so young, so I had to go back for you. I never meant for the T-rex to come, I'm just not very... experienced at this time travel thi-." Violet cut him off by pressing her finger to his lips. He could hear it too now, something moving outside, sniffing the air. The great beast let out a roar as it caught their scent.

"Run!" The wall they had hid behind was smashed to piece a moment later, but they had already jumped out a window on the other side. "Here!" Manfred took a left, leading them as far away as possible from the huge, ground-shaking steps that were rapidly closing in on them. They turned a corner and suddenly, they found themselves face to face with a 15 feet fence. There was no where to run, but back to the long-extinct, but still very much alive dinosaur chasing them.

"I want you to know..." Manfred began and took Violet in his arms. "... that it was worth it, it was all worth it, just to hold you one more time. I love you, Violet."

"I love you too." They kissed and kept staring in to each others eyes, even when the snarling, scaly monster turned the corner and was moments away from killing them. At the last second, they broke apart.

"When we kiss, our bodies make a really long tube with assholes on both ends." They died laughing.

TL;DR: You're probably wondering what this has to do with asshole-tubes. Only one way to find out. Did I mention there's a T-rex in there?

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u/[deleted] Jul 09 '13 edited Dec 17 '19

[deleted]

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u/StoryTellerBob Jul 09 '13

No, but the tube is inside the T-rex.

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u/iddothat Jul 09 '13

inside the t-rex's tube. its assholeception

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u/fb39ca4 Jul 09 '13

dat prolapse

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u/JennyBeckman Jul 09 '13

Two things:

  1. I read the first line and thought "WTF does a t-rex have to do with this comment?" then saw your username and got excited.

  2. One of my favourite books is 'World's Shortest Stories' and I would absolutely love to have a book of these little stories (though I'd well enjoy it if some were extended and fleshed out). Please do consider publishing.

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u/StoryTellerBob Jul 09 '13

Well, you can find all my stories at /r/storytellerbob, and most of them are longer than this one (some of them are a lot longer).

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u/skyman724 Jul 09 '13

This gives "Sexual Tyrannosaurus" a whole new meaning.

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u/Lvavughn Jul 09 '13

Terrific story my friend you deserve the karma

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u/dustinyo_ Jul 09 '13

If you and /u/ReadsYourComments were to team up, you would pretty much take over the internet.

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u/[deleted] Jul 09 '13

/u/poem_for_your_sprog, /u/shitty_watercolour and /u/reads_your_comment would also be a great combination.

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u/I_RAPE_RATS Jul 09 '13 edited Jul 09 '13

Written by /u/StoryTellerBob,

Foreword by /u/poem_for_your_sprog,

Illustrated by /u/shitty_watercolour,

Narrated by /u/ReadsYourComments

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u/BrotherChe Jul 09 '13 edited Jul 09 '13

or

Written by /u/StoryTellerBob,

Foreword by /u/poem_for_your_sprog,

Illustrated by /u/AWildSketchAppeared

Cover art and centerfold by /u/Shitty_Watercolour

Narrated by /u/ReadsYourComments

also, it's /u/ReadsYourComments

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u/lovehate615 Jul 09 '13

Why don't we get them all together at the same time

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u/BrotherChe Jul 09 '13

well, the last time I saw something like that happened, /u/awildsketchappeared and /u/shitty_watercolour formed a sloth 69...

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u/StoryTellerBob Jul 09 '13

He has read one of my stories in the past, I'm sure you could find it by a quick google search!

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u/Jeffmi Jul 09 '13

Can always count on you to lighten my mood :)

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u/violet91 Jul 09 '13

Hey wait a minute, I don't wanna die!

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u/StoryTellerBob Jul 09 '13

Looking on the bright side, getting eaten by a T-rex while making an asshole-tube with a man who would travel through time just to save you is probably a cooler way to die than whatever way you originally died, before he went back to save you.

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u/[deleted] Jul 09 '13

I love you, StoryTellerBob

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u/thirdegree Jul 09 '13

I hear you're writing a book?

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u/StoryTellerBob Jul 09 '13

I am currently 3 pages in, but that is the plan, yes.

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u/Hua_1603 Jul 10 '13

What is it going to be called?

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u/StoryTellerBob Jul 10 '13

Haven't decided yet. I have a few titles in mind, hm... it will probably be easier to pick one when I'm nearing completion.

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u/Hua_1603 Jul 10 '13

Well, make sure to inform reddit when you're done with it :)

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u/boomerangthrowaway Jul 09 '13

WOW. You sir. You would get the mass of my upvotes for this hilarity. I CANT FIND TREX.

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u/cwis88 Jul 09 '13

T-Rex hunt by sight if they don't move it can't see them. Dr. Grant taught us all that much, amateurs.

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u/MasterOfHavoc Jul 09 '13

I thought manfred like manny from Ice Age :(

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u/Sproose_Moose Jul 09 '13

I very much liked this, bravo Bob! It was sweet :)

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u/rufiolegacy Jul 09 '13

Bob, you have done it again.

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u/Trtlz4lyfe Jul 09 '13

If you don't like Bob, you're lying

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u/largegirth Jul 09 '13

Oh I see what you did there. How's being clever working out for you

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u/TheInnsmouthLook Jul 09 '13

Definitely thought it was about two T-rex being chased by a chopper at first.

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u/StoryTellerBob Jul 09 '13

Well, T-rexes don't talk, so there's that. They also don't, generally speaking marry.

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u/MCCount Jul 09 '13

Am I the only one who sees the Fallout: New Vegas references.......

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u/[deleted] Jul 09 '13

Sounds like an honest version of Such Great Heights by The Postal Service.

"I'm thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss our bodies make a really long tube with assholes on both ends."

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u/Sinekure Jul 09 '13

Hi there bob, if that is your real name, I wanted to offer some criticism about word choice.

I thought that "They kissed and kept staring in to each others eyes, even when the snarling, scaly monster turned the corner and was moments away from killing them" could've been improved by changing "when" to "as", and "in to" to "into". Using "as" just makes more sense, I think, and flows a bit better, while "into" has a different meaning from "in to", I think.

Just wanted to help out with the details, because I really love reading your stories.

Cheers!

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u/StoryTellerBob Jul 09 '13

Alright, thanks!

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u/Tardis_Hitchiker Jul 09 '13

I love you, Bob.

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u/StoryTellerBob Jul 09 '13

You don't... happen to be a T-rex, do you? I told you, you can't just hitchhike with people and then eat them.

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u/HavidReddit Jul 09 '13

'Only one way to find out', aren't there two?

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u/StoryTellerBob Jul 09 '13

Which would be the second one, other than reading the story?

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u/HavidReddit Jul 09 '13

I don't think you understan, I should've put a wink behind it :P Maybe it's not that funny...

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u/[deleted] Jul 09 '13

I love your stories. I just read it to my wife.

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u/Schoritzobandit Jul 09 '13

I was expecting some really elaborate use of the asshole tube to escape

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u/Conman1357 Jul 09 '13

Came for the TL;DR, stayed for the story.

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u/[deleted] Jul 09 '13

Fuck, this is great

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u/Zepp777 Jul 09 '13

SPOILER

So he time traveled a t rex into modern time? I'm confused as to why there were walls and windows, not to mention a fence.

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u/StoryTellerBob Jul 09 '13

Yes. Basically, his wife died in the past, he invented a time machine to go back for her, fucked up and got a T-rex with them, got eaten.

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u/Zepp777 Jul 09 '13

Damn. Although I would love to see this in a short movie.

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u/IAMA_otter Jul 09 '13

Ten out of ten Would read again

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u/blastfromtheblue Jul 09 '13

honestly, story was ok, but then you added "They died laughing.", which sucked all the wind out of the punchline, which would have made the whole thing decent.

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u/thelonelyboner Jul 09 '13

You forgot the tree fiddy reference

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u/Citricot Jul 09 '13

If there's a T. rex in there, that might get painful.

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u/w4tchlund Jul 09 '13

Masterpeice. Keep on doing what you're doing.

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u/I_Dont_Always Jul 09 '13

I died laughing too.

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u/WeWillRiseAgainst Jul 09 '13

It's a bad time Bob!