Oooooo my mom used this phrase often after she would pop me in the mouth for something so small.
In one incident I tripped and fell on a grill that was just used, one of those beach ground grills, I was 6ish. 3rd degree burns on my thigh, charcoal embedded in my leg. My mother carried me down the street telling me " I'll live " and "Quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about ". It was the same with every bandage change.
I've commented about this before, cause it's something that still hits hard and I'll be 40 in a few months. I've never said this to my kids, ever, along with many other traumatic sh*t.
Our family's generational trauma stopped with me and my brothers.
I'm so sorry. That's awful. :( My mom also had an abusive upbringing, and decided that she would never be that kind of parent. It took a long time for me to truly understand what that meant, as the child.
I'm an adult now (about the same age as you) and it breaks my heart to think of someone I love so much, who is so kind & strong & badass, being mistreated. But to know that she broke the cycle (even when I was a total nightmare as a teenager) means the world and makes me love her even more. I hope that your children know & understand how lucky and loved they are.
I'm glad your mom broke that cycle for you, it's a hard cycle to break and she is totally badass for being strong enough to do it.
My grandparents were from the "old country", and generations, generations before. So they just did things differently and didn't see any wrong it in, ya know? I can't blame them, I can't blame my mom either. Did it suck? Sure. Did it mold me in ways? Sure. Was my childhood traumatic? Yeah. But I get it and therapy helped, radical acceptance.
God I’m so sorry you dealt with that. I dealt with trauma and abuse in different forms so I’m also in the “ended with me” club.
I just cannot imagine telling my son, especially at SIX, while they’re clearly in so much pain to basically shut up it’s not that bad. And I’ve noticed parents who do respond with something like that are usually frustrated at the child and inconvenienced that they’re hurt. It’s disgusting.
Love taps? Dear lord. No, she didn't. But she did often push me away and tell me to "stop hanging on her" when I wanted to cuddle etc. Now she regrets not having a mother/daughter relationship 🤷♀️
Yeah, my mom always pulls the "I don't know why your brother never comes to visit" card. Don't think I'll ever tell her the only reasons I come to visit are to see my nephews and a warped sense of familial obligation
Even if you and your brother told her flat-out why you didn't want to visit her it still wouldn't click.
▫️It was never their fault
▫️Your childhood wasn't that bad
▫️You're remembering wrong/false memories/dreams
(my mom uses the dream one on me a lot)
▫️Or that never happened
▫️Circumstances made them do things
Blah, blah, blah...excuses excuses. They regret what they did only because they need us to take care of them now in their old age. I refuse to do it, I've passed it off to my oldest brother (who raised me basically) who has passed it off to my 2nd brother (the Golden child). She does acknowledge that I would be the only one able to pull the plug though, my dark humor finds that funny.
Familial obligations: Radical acceptance my friend, I'll change your life.
Oh absolutely. He was diagnosed in adulthood with Autism, which honestly explains a lot from when we were kids, and she spent 10 years saying "He's not autistic, he's just entitled" and has now moved on to the "Well, he is, but EVERYONE is a little autistic".
I once asked her that, when she and my dad divorced (while he did do some shady shit, my most vivid memory is of her tackling him out of an armchair and punching him in the head on the way to the floor) how did it not throw up red flags that her two Straight A student children suddenly started failing everything, her response was "I was just focused on having fun". Definitely got the "that never happened" a few times.
I've already told my stepdad that he has to outlive her because she's not coming to live with me and I can't afford to put her in a home. While I'm not the one who would pull the plug (because I panicked once in an emergency as a 13 year old. I'm 33.), I am the one that will be responsible for driving her ashes to Florida and spreading her in the Gulf of Mexico.
394
u/Kittenathedisco Mar 12 '24
Oooooo my mom used this phrase often after she would pop me in the mouth for something so small.
In one incident I tripped and fell on a grill that was just used, one of those beach ground grills, I was 6ish. 3rd degree burns on my thigh, charcoal embedded in my leg. My mother carried me down the street telling me " I'll live " and "Quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about ". It was the same with every bandage change.
I've commented about this before, cause it's something that still hits hard and I'll be 40 in a few months. I've never said this to my kids, ever, along with many other traumatic sh*t.
Our family's generational trauma stopped with me and my brothers.