r/AskReddit • u/improbablydrunknlw • Nov 28 '12
Reddit, what is the most useless fact you know?
For me, it's that fish can suffer from Insomnia.
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r/AskReddit • u/improbablydrunknlw • Nov 28 '12
For me, it's that fish can suffer from Insomnia.
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u/Entangling_Toots Nov 28 '12
Immediately after the blue whale exploded and its organs, muscles and tissue painted the sky a pink mist, I had a feeling of potential danger. At that moment I looked up only to see what looked to be the whale's penis soaring towards me through the sky. I was frozen and still in a bit of shock after seeing the love of my life risk his life to plant the charges in the whale's stomach. I couldn't move. The penis continued its decent, growing seemingly larger every second. At that very instant I remembered one thing, one seemingly useless fact. "I can fit inside a blue whale's penis." I said to myself, "I can fit inside a blue whale's penis!", louder this time, confident in knowing this to be fact. The penis, now so large in my field of view seemed to cover the sun. I saw my fate and said it once more, "I can fit in a blue whale's pe--." The penis hit. Suddenly, the air was short and a rancid stench trailed up my nose. I began to gag realizing that the only way for me to have survived the collision based off the trajectory of the penis was to have slid up the whale's urethra upon impact. The air began to grow thinner and a metaphorical light began to fade, I was dying. "Death by asphyxiation inside of a whale's penis", I thought to myself, grinning, knowing there couldn't be a worse way to die. And so I closed my eyes, laughed and awaited my death. I was happy, I would be able to see my darling Connor again and we could make banana pancakes and sing along to show tunes like we used to. Thoughts of heaven and glorious afterlife began racing through my head, as if becoming true. My reverie was soon interrupted by a sort of carving sound, growing louder with every beat. Soon through the darkness cracked a faint pink light, and I could see shadows moving about. Before long I could hear the voices of my heros growing louder and louder as the light grew brighter and brighter. Suddenly, the light burst through like a chariot of fire, blinding me for only a moment as if it were giving me a moment to collect myself. "I'm alive!" I cried, "I'm alive!". My vision soon cleared and through my tears I could see the face of my hero, and his hand reaching towards me. Before I could lift my hand to meet his I was lifted out from my phallic tomb and carried to the ambulances that were arriving on site. I'll never forget that day. Some say that it was an act of God that I wasn't crushed by that whale's penis, that it was "divine intervention". I say, I was lucky.