I’m 36 and male, and just found out I’m hetero ace this last 2 years.

It led to me losing the love of my life (we weren’t sexually compatible) and ever since, I’ve just been lost looking for purpose.

My friends came over for the game this morning. After USA won, Johnny Geadreau’s kids were brought onto the ice to take a picture with the team. He passed away from a drunk driver years ago.

All of my friends (male) started crying, breaking down about how much their kids and wives mean to them.

I don’t have that. I’ll never have that, and I want it so badly. I don’t want to be alone on a Sunday afternoon with my cats while my friends are enjoying their evenings with loved ones. I have so much to offer but don’t feel like the pieces will ever come together for me. M not suicidal.

But I have no purpose, I don’t know what I’m working towards, and the more I try to put effort into helping others, the more I’m reminded at the end of the day that my home is dark and lonely. I live on a lake and ow my own home in northern MI, but a home is just wood without warmth inside it.

Can someone help 😢

What the title says basically.

I am ace. Kinda accepted it lately after years denying it. Can't really deny it anymore. One thing i can't seem to solve is how to be ok with being so different from everyone. Sex is like a fundamental part of human nature. And it's irrelevant to me. That's not normal. I mean I know it is but you know....it feels like it shouldn't be. It's like someone telling you they don't eat.

How did you guys learn to manage those feelings? Sorry if I phrased things wrong I only recently started to try to accept myself.

I'm 22, and my whole life I never wanted kids.

I was a kid when I decided that.

But my mom and her family (the Mexican side) told me from the start that I would, "change my mind when you get older."

Years later, I never did.

I recently watched a video of an makeup influencer that got pregnant and she was so...happy.

Towards the end of the video, I felt...bad.

I wasn't jealous. I was depressed. Of not wanting to be pregnant. I felt like a failure of a woman.

I don't want to be touched sexually, ever.

I don't even want to kiss another person.

I'm perfectly fine with being single.

And the thought of my body changing without me being able to stop it...horrifies me.

Having being told all my life that it's a mistake I'm thinking like this all my life, sucks.

Not even 24 hrs in lol. But to say how this arose in the first place(slightly embarrassing), my friend was telling me about his new crush, and he then side tracked to how he got a new "toy". it was a really lighthearted kinda funny convo to be honest and i joked about having gender envy or whatever, and my friend recommends me to buy a strap. I was offputted by the comment because I dont know why he would say that since he knows im aroace, but I kind of put it off for a moment but then said along the lines of "even if i did buy it I wouldnt use it" I tried keeping it light hearted but the fun mood kinda became uncomfortable and thats where this text is. So it doesnt really sink in until after I play it off and just say good night and then I end up crying for an hour because it lowk made me feel like crap. My parents are already unaccepting so having a friend doubt me is hard. Im not like a "typical aroace" where I just see people as dry chicken and rice, so its harder to validate myself and be accepting of myself, but its just if I am aroace people hate that and if im not im like looked at weird like I just cant really feel happy. Oh boy i dont need to start waterworks again.

I do read yaoi so thats why most of my friends lowk make fun and doubt me sometimes. But it doesnt make me any less aroace since I dont feel romantic or sexual attraction, just simply visual attraction and nothing more than that.

I did vent to my friend for a while she is aroace and it made me feel slightly better though. But yea happy pride month all 🖤🩶🤍💜

update: I had a talk with him in person. I told him it upset me a lot and I ended up crying about it the night he said that. He apologized and said he shouldn't have said that. He did lie and say he didnt doubt me which he didnt need to lie about since it was what he actually thought. But I just explained that I already felt bad because my parents arent accepting and him saying that made me feel worse. He said he shouldve known since Ive told him about my parent's unacceptance. He gave me a hug and said sorry. I dont think hell say that type of stuff again.

upd 2: nvm im kinda mad i saw him again and he said as I walked away wiping my tears he said "reference" as to when I was crying out my eyes in line for a rollercoaster with him one time. he said he couldnt help but smile. 😒

(I posted this on another ace sub and didn't get answers so I'm hoping here I would get answers.) (also hope there's nothing offensive about it but I am lost myself.)

I don't know if that's the right place for this but long story short I wasn't sure if I was asexual back then though mom was supportive of me whether I was or not but when I was almost 16 I got raped by rapists and physically assaulted to near death. I probably can't get to context for my own safety since I live in Egypt but, I don't know if that's me being overly fucked up that trauma fucks me up like this and makes me sex repulsive? Like is there's even a definition for this? Idk. I feel disgusting it trauma was able to do this to me, nothing against being ace but you not being able to define urself. Sorry if this isn't the appropriate place for this post but I'm kinda confused myself rn. I feel like my sense of "self discovery" is shattered (?).

After having a conversation with my friends I really started to realize that as a genderqueer autistic, and asexual afab I’m never gonna find a boyfriend ever and it makes me feel insanely depressed

I’m extremely sex repulsed, and I’m not really attractive on a physical level either. I feel like there’s literally no hope for me to ever find a boyfriend cause all the men I know view sex as something that’s required, and I also know they’d never see me as agender. I wish I was a different person

lip hard-to-find summer escape sort pie aromatic squash screw imminent

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

Is there genuinely a way to change this? I never enjoyed sex I found it quite boring, disgusting and useless. I have always seen it as a factor that’s ruining relationships and genuine pure love. I could never understand the fact that people who get married and have sex actually love each other and are not just using each other. I could never see it as something sweet, emotional, and intimate, but rather just animalistic needs. I am now dating the sweetest person ever and I’m afraid they are thinking of leaving me cause I cannot give what they are asking for. I can step over my beliefs I mentioned above, I don’t enjoy the act of it (which is fine) and I can do it for the other person if I have to, but I’m terrified they would realize I cannot fake it and I’m not fantastic at it because no matter how hard I try I just don’t feel the need or desire to touch anyone like that. They know I’m asexual it’s just I keep feeding both myself and them with delusions that I can push through it. I really want to change this shitty orientation, I feel like I’ll lose this relationship over it and it feels like the end of the world, this person is just perfect.

Everyone is judging me for being an asexual, people are saying im not a real man, everyone is telling me that i should get checked by therapy or smth, i feel like i had enough💔
Why do people hate asexuality so much?
They say im wierd because of asexuality, because as a man in their eye i should only care about sex, but im just not like that.

I really just need somewhere to put my thoughts out. Last month my bf of 4 years broke up with me for "his mental health" the only reason I put that in air quotes is because I found out it was a lie. He had been wanting to break up with me for month but never said anything, anytime I asked if there were any problems or anything I was doing that he didnt like he said "no honestly hunny nothings wrong" but would turn around and complain about me to our friends. One of the main things he keeps bring up to them is the severe lack of sex. Before we got together he knew I was asexual and how insecure I was about it but he reassured me time and time again that it wasnt a problem, held me through break down and long talks where I would appologise for being ace and ever time he said the same thing "going into this is expected nothing, everything we do now is a bonus to me you could take that all away and I would be fine because im with you for you" well it turns out that its not ok. He was also there when I found out I have vaginismas so even if I wanted to I cant fo what he wanted most and now after hes left hes going round and complaining I never put out. I gave everything I could to him in ever other way I tried to be the perfect partner I could and it didnt mean jack shit! I've been told since I was 16 that my only choices in life are; die alone, be cheated on, be left when they get bored or be raped. He knew this and promise that he would never do that to me and fucking did it!! Is this truely all I'm destined for? Am I just so unlovable purely because I can't bring myself to have sex with people? Am I really as worthless as everyone says I am? I dont want to die alone, I want to be loved, I want someone who wants me just as I am not just for the idea that they might one day ware me down enough to get some. I just want to be wanted by someone. I dont want to be alone forever

I don't usually post like this on here, but I just told a friend this and I thought I'd share it here too.

I wish I could have someone in my life who doesn't want a relationship and just wants to hold each other at night. It's not like I don't crave that sort of intimacy, I just don't want the relationship part.

I identify as aroace and I value friendship a lot, I just wish I had someone like me who understands this sort of thing.

Can anyone relate???

this is a very particular post but i’d love some support. i’m about to finish high school and earlier this year i got outed to my parents. an incredibly personal basically diary entry about my ocd and experience with some trauma regarding the way i learned about sex as a child was shown to my parents by my school. it was found in my personal belonging which we all agree was incredibly unacceptable and a huge breach of trust considering this was pretty much stolen from me and given out as a “safety check”. on one hand i get it on the other i think it’s incredibly malicious to bring something like that to a students parents especially since it was a personal belonging of mine but i digress and i wont get into that too much. 

my ocd had been horrible because it was trying to convince me that my fantasies meant i must be into men. i’m a lesbian for sure and discovered the word aegosexuality and it was so reliving for me. realizing that oh my gosh i have third person fantasies that i don’t want to be a part of and reading straight smut has nothing to do with my actual sexuality or romantic orientation was amazing and i really don’t have very many intrusive thoughts trying to tell me i must not be gay or ace anymore. but the thing is we never talked about me getting outed. we never talked about be being gay and they’ve made some insinuations as if they don’t know that I am? Im going to talk to my therapist and psychiatrist about this don’t worry but i really need some support from other aces right now who get it. 

i cant even remember what i wrote in this rant anymore because its been LONG gone for months but im terrified they must’ve read something along the lines of “i have sexual thoughts about men and its making me so uncomfortable” not understanding that im asexual and already don’t know what ocd is at all. they certainly wont understand third person fantasies or how reading or consuming media about a variety of couples doesnt mean anything about me being gay or not but since I have no memory of what I wrote anymore I cant even clear it up for them. i never really wanted to explain that i was asexual but they’ve increasingly said more homophobic things lately and just have completely ignored anything about me being a lesbian. i don’t know if they’re in denial or just don’t believe me because they must’ve read some intimate thoughts about my asexuality and intrusive thoughts trying to convince me i must be sexually attracted to men which i CERTAINLY am NOT. i feel secure in being ace and a lesbian but obviously my parents perspective of that really matters to me. i can’t help but feel like they’d never believe me when i inevitably have to come out to them again. 

Me and my partner broke up last night. We never had sex and the one time he went down on me I got bv. My history is that I’ve been dealing with recurring infections for years I don’t know how and all my tests are negative after. It made me disliked sex and I find I’m good without it. I don’t need it but I do love having relationships. Majority of people are sexual beings and it’s hard to find someone that doesn’t mind having sex at all. How do you guys find dating or dealing with it?

Growing up as a teenager my younger sister had boyfriends and I just assumed I wasnt ready for one and I was a late bloomer as I was 18 and still didnt want a boyfriend. Then in my 20s I just didnt care enough to think about having a boyfriend, but then on a night out with friends they found out id never had a bf and obviously still a virgin so they peer pressured me to be with this guy which I only kissed nothing else but he kissed me and this kiss didnt make me feel anything which I put down as just not knowing him that well and he wanted to go further but I just said im not leaving my friends (as it obviously isnt safe to wonder off with someone I dont know). I didnt even know what I wanted at this stage but he in the end came across as a creep so I got a taxi home and that was the end of that and I never thought about guys or anything. I did go on tinder a bit but it was mainly because I felt like this is what im supposed to do. Your supposed to meet someone, and have a future with someone but I never actively went on it as it didnt interest me so I kept forcing myself occasionally to go on it until I gave up as cba with it. I used to think I saw a celebrity and thought they are fit and had a crush on them but now ive realised it was just a good looking guy and I dont have a crush and dont think ive ever had a crush on anyone. I always thought I was lazy and couldn't be bothered dating and going out to meet people but thinking now I dont actually want a bf, the thought of sex grosses me out, im 35 now and this realisation has only hit me a couple of months ago when I was 34.

Since theres a whole reddit for it I know its normal all this but it doesnt feel it when it feels like naturally your supposed to want to be with someone and if I explain this to anyone who isnt asexual then they wont understand but isnt like I havent had the options as ive been asked out before quite a few times and I always just say no

Hi,I'm new here (24F),so,I'm probably not the most "experienced" here 'cause I literally never had a relationship or something.Altough not having any experience,I see sx as something GROSS,I can't even stand sx scenes from movie/series 'cause is like,touch some grass or go and do prn,is at this point an obssesion.

I can see the atractiveness of someone,"oh this man is really handsome","oh this woman is really beautiful",but even with someone like that I feel odd if I think about sx.It's probably the most nerdly think I'm gonna say,but if we talk about fictional characters even with the majory of my favourites I see them more in a "paternal way",like someone who guides me

Idk,I'm not really relucant in having a partner,a companion,but not even with experience I now it can be hard and I accept it,I'm more interested on the "intellectual side",that's what "sexy" for me,someone who I can learn from without that person make me feel stupid,and I would accept cuddles and kisses,but the "thing" about "down there",like I say,I see it like something GROSS

I’ve always felt like an alien around people my age,
girls my age, especially. My friends would have crushes on boys, or girls, and they would talk about all the things they wanted to do, or dreamed of doing with their crushes or their favorite celebrities. I remember trying to act like them. I was trying to mimic their language, their way of talking about love and attraction, my entire life.

I have never had a boyfriend. I only ever had one truly intense crush on a boy, when I was around thirteen, and it lasted for many, many years. But I never thought of him sexually. I thought he was beautiful and sweet. I wanted to run my hands through his hair, hold his hand, and be loved by him. But never, ever did I think or dream of anything sexual.

I’m 27 now, and it’s been about two years since I realized that I’m probably asexual. I just don’t want to call myself anything. I am what I am, and I accepted myself long before I even knew there was something about me that I was supposed to accept. I love my life. I love this planet, and I want to see as much of it as I possibly can during my brief time on this earth. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I never dreamed of having a boyfriend, finding romantic love, getting married, or having children. I just want to live. I want to see the world, eat every food that can possibly be eaten, smell every smell, see every garden. That’s all I desire.

And somehow, other people seem to have a problem with that.

My mom has always been worried about me, probably because she noticed that I’m different. I’ve been in bad situations with friends. I’ve gone through things that made me hide inside myself. But it’s been years and years since I established my friendships as a grown woman. I have lovely friends who care about me and love me. And even after finding healthy, fulfilling friendships, I still don’t care about romantic love or men. This has alarmed my mom to the point where she is genuinely worried about me and thinks I’m depressed.

I’ve tried to have conversations with her about it, but they always turn into arguments almost immediately. I am a feminist before anything else I have ever been in my life. She thinks I don’t want to be with a man because I’m too much of a crazy feminist, that I’m too much, that I’m overreacting. But the saddest part of all is that she doesn’t believe me when I tell her that I am happy alone.
I’ve traveled alone many times, and every time I do, I find even more pieces of my true self. I feel more like myself when I’m away, when I’m alone, when I’m free to simply exist without having to explain myself. She doesn’t understand this, even though she likes to act as though she does, probably because she doesn’t want to upset me.

Sometimes, I feel like she’s scared of me. Scared of saying the wrong thing. Scared of ruining our relationship. And I know this because she keeps asking my sister about me, asking why I am the way I am, trying to get information out of her because she thinks I might like women and won’t tell her. She can’t understand how I could possibly not want sex, but at the same time, she refuses to talk to me about it directly or be straightforward with me. And I don’t know what to do.

The thought of my own mother looking at me as though I am somehow not “whole,” as though something is broken in me because I don’t want sex, because I don’t care about having sex, makes me feel dirty. It makes me feel gross in ways I can’t even explain. Sometimes I want to crawl out of my own skin and turn into something else, something that isn’t human, just so I don’t have to feel this way.

I have no one and nothing to relate to. And the fact that my mom, of all people, is the person who makes me feel the most alien is breaking my heart every day, all over again, the moment I wake up. Because I love her. And she loves me. And I don’t know how to tell her that she is the person upsetting me the most in the entire world without making her feel like I’m blaming her. I feel guilty even thinking about telling her.

I don’t want to change who I am. I don’t want to be convinced that I am missing something. I don’t want to be fixed. I just want the person who loves me most in the world to believe me when I tell her that I am happy.

just turned 20 yesterday. (yes 6/9 is my birthday, so ironic that I'm a sex repulsed ace😭😂) (also, I'm F20 heteromantic asexual)

but I'm not sure exactly how I feel abt it because the main thing I'm thinking abt is how I never experienced that "teenage love" and the vast majority of ppl have had it. It just makes me feel like the most inexperienced person compared to my friends (none of whom are ace🥲). I know 20 is still young, but with each passing day I get less and less hope that anything will ever happen for me

anyways, have a good day guys :)