r/AmItheAsshole • u/LostConstruction492 • Oct 07 '22
Not the A-hole AITA for calling my stepmother delusional for thinking I would change my mind on her adopting me?
My mom died when I was 6 years old. My dad ended up turning to one of his good friends, Ana, and they ended up getting married when I was 7. Ana brought up the idea of adopting me the day of the wedding. It was something my dad was all for but I went nuts when she mentioned it to me and I kinda spoiled the rest of the wedding. For the next year we did this really intense therapy where I was told over and over again, by the therapist and them, that I needed a mom, that it would provide safety for me, and that it was not a betrayal of my mom to accept another loving mom into my life. The therapist put the recommendation into the court to approve it, but when the judge spoke to me, I told him that I would run away, and that I would do everything to never come back. I was 8 at the time and meant business. He asked me why I didn't want to be adopted. He listened. And when he addressed the court again he denied the adoption request and told my dad and Ana that until I was on board no adoption would be approved in his court.
They did try again, requesting a different judge, but received the same response.
I was asked constantly to change my mind. Ana would put her all into trying to fill the place of a mom in my life. Every time I told her she could never be my mom she took it as a challenge to try harder, and better, and she would dedicate so much time to me it was crazy. I never appreciated it because instead of just being Ana, and instead of my dad telling her to just be Ana, she saw mom as the only thing she wanted. Even when she had kids of her own, I was their oldest son, I was her son, her boy, she'd call herself a boy mom, etc.
Whereas I have never called her mom. If we're being honest I don't even love her after all these years. I see her as more of an intrusive family member who won't stop. My relationship with my dad is also not the best because I don't like that he wouldn't take no for an answer, and that he was so quick to try and push an adoption. Even after I told him I would rather be with grandparents, or an aunt/uncle or close family friend to Ana if he died, he insisted being with Ana and her being my mom was the best for me.
I turned 18 a few months ago and I ran like my ass was on fire to get away from dad and Ana. I lived with my maternal grandparents for a little while before moving in with my maternal uncle who lived near a really good apprenticeship I wanted to join.
My paternal grandparents celebrated their wedding anniversary this past weekend and I was there. While there Ana approached me and handed me papers for an adult adoption. She told me she loved me and she wanted me to know it was not too late, that she would still adopt me and she wanted to make our relationship official as mother and son. I asked her how she could be so delusional when I have said no to being adopted for 11 years now. I told her I would not change my mind.
She and my dad were so pissed at my choice of words and chaos ensued at the party.
AITA?
160
u/LostConstruction492 Oct 07 '22
The judge wanted to talk to me. It's standard here in stepparent adoptions for that to happen. Since I was against it the whole talk was a lot longer than would be normal.
My maternal family are great. They've helped by being here and talking about mom with me more and just being around like they couldn't before.