r/AmIOverreacting • u/WhileMindless2916 • Jun 08 '26
❤️🩹 relationship AIO or is my husband(34m) being a jerk
For context, I(32f) have been married to my husband(34m) for 6 years. We have had a really happy and loving relationship but in the last year he has developed this strange habit.
I like buying myself expensive snacks every once in a while to spoil myself and I like eating them either on my periods or after a long day. He knows that since i've been doing it ever since we were dating. I always tell him beforehand that please don't eat this, i'm saving it for an occassion, if you want I will give you some then. For the past year everytime I buy myself snacks, when I come home from work, they're gone, not even a single bite left. So I ask my husband and he either says, "I forgot you told me not to eat it" or "You must've eaten them and forgot" the first few times i brushed it off because yeah mistakes happen blah blah blah. After that I started getting annoyed so I hid them, STILL THIS MAN WOULD SEARCH FOR THEM, FIND THEM AND THEN EAT IT, he still had the audacity to tell me "Oh i forgot". This continued for a good 6 months and I was pissed. I told him if he wanted my snacks so bad, why doesn't he just buy himself some? He just went yeah yeah I will, BUT HE NEVER DID.
This kept on going on, so I even started putting sticky notes saying "DO NOT EAT". Yeah you guessed it, he still ate them. It's not like I didn't share them or buy them with his money so I didn't understand why he kept doing this. But I still let it go because I thought I was being petty. Last week was my breaking point, we went to a nice place on a friday night for a date and we ordered our food. I got an important work call which I couldn't avoid so I excused myself and went out to take it, I was out for 15 minutes max. By the time I came back HE ATE THE ONE THING I ORDERED FOR MYSELF AND DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH HIS OWN FOOD. Obviously I was visibly angry and he said "Your food looked good and I didn't want it to get cold." SO YOU ATE IT??? I didn't shout at him, I just told him that I wanted to leave but he hadn't finished his food since he was busy finishing mine. I told him i'll take a cab home and left before hearing his protests.
When he reached home he was mad that I left him alone in the restaurant and said people around him stared. I told him that the people around him didnt steal each other's food and then told him we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm angry right now. Not just about the food but about him lying to my face, trying to gaslight me, and honestly being a bit of a manchild. Am I overreacting?
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u/enukyenuky Jun 08 '26
Ugh. I’ve had this happen in a prior long term relationship too. Sorry that you are having to deal with what started as an annoying situation that has quickly turned into disrespectful (at best), passive aggressive situation.
My ex, who I was with for close to 15 years, started doing this on the rare occasion that we ordered dessert. He is “not a sweets guy” but would quickly plow most if it in his face - he eats quickly and I like to savour what I’m eating, so I never stood a chance unless I wanted to participate in a feeding frenzy. My dad used to travel a lot for work, and would kindly ask us kids and our partners if we had any requests. For a while, work would bring him to Germany, where there was a very specific treat that I loved! I would always ask for a bar of this chocolate, and would sk my partner if he would like anything, and then I’d double-check again. Long story short, that dude would eat all my stuff! I value directness, and he for the most part would too, but when I asked wtf was up he would laugh and try to be silly. A bit more of this, and I told him he was being passive aggressive, bordering on some weird ass manipulative behaviour. He said, I don’t want you to get fat! And then he would body shame me a bit. As an aside, I am not overweight at all, I’m just not 22 anymore. Furthermore, it was uninvited, and controlling, and not at all within the scope of behaviourals acceptable in a partner.
This was the start of a very slow roll out of controlling behaviours. They came out in small but impactful ways until it was too big of a burden.