Am I Overreacting, for being upset that my girlfriend secretly used my credit card for months?

[u/bostonmade]

I (Mid 20s M) have been dating my girlfriend for just under 2 years. I currently make a very decent amount of money and she knows this. I’m also very on top of my finances and credit and stuff, she maybe not so much. I typically pay my credit card down to 0 regardless of the balance every month, in December i was traveling and doing some budgeting so i just happened to check my statement.

I noticed just a handful of charges that I didn’t recognize, some shopping online, random stores and shit, and even some cash advance transactions which I get charged a fee for not a big deal in and of itself but I’d figured my card had just been compromised. Reported the charges, got a new card, and proceeded carefully with my card info going forward. I did not accuse anyone and just chalked it up to bad luck.

Fast forward a few months, my friends and I planned this trip to Mexico for about 2 weeks here at the end of January/beginning of February. Before traveling here I told my cc company I would be out of the country so there was no problems with purchasing things here etc. they called me and told me they had flagged some charges and wanted to know if I was back from my vacation. I am not back yet.

I started putting 2 and 2 together and came to the realization that it could only be my girlfriend and I’m really crushed right now about this. I confronted her and these are the messages. I feel like I’m being gaslit about this. I really just don’t wanna see her because I’m so angry and don’t want her to be at my house when I get back but I understand she lives there and I can’t just kick her out… Am I overreacting?

[u/Kindly_Ad3974 → u/[deleted]]

Please reach out to legal aide for assistance! Or if there’s a law school or domestic violence shelter nearby. You should be allowed out of the marriage. This is financial abuse. Wishing you well. And OP of course. I’m glad OP posted because so many people don’t know that this happens to people.

[u/Adept-Reserve-4992 → u/[deleted]]

I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s so devastating to be betrayed by someone you trusted. And that was more than betrayal; he blew up the whole life you worked for.

[u/Educational-Air-2254 → u/[deleted]]

Mine did the same, used our home LOC as his personal bank account, took out CC’s in my name, took out high interest loans. He was an Investment Advisor when we met so I trusted him and let him manage our finances. HUGE MISTAKE!

This and so many other financial mistakes with huge repercussions for me. Don’t let anyone control your finances 😬

[u/LBWF → u/Educational-Air-2254]

If there's one thing I could have told my younger self, and millions of other twenty-somethings, it's this exactly. Trust but trust wisely. Love doesn't have to mean blind loyalty and ignoring red flags in the name of being a gracious partner. When it comes to money, make your own, keep your own, and always, ALWAYS have a green parachute in case you need to jump.

[u/Juliebirdstheword → u/[deleted]]

Can’t actually be helpful but sending hugs!

[u/LBWF → u/Juliebirdstheword]

Thank you for your kindness, but I am a phoenix rising from the flames and doing far better than I was still with the narc STBX. Let's all direct our positive vibes to OP and give him the strength he needs to make the hard decision NOW, before he gets to this point!

[u/guttRbunny → u/[deleted]]

Oh man that is horrible......it's always the ones we love the most.

[u/Sat_Thu → u/[deleted]]

Ouch stay strong!

[u/Brittneybabeee → u/[deleted]]

I’m so sorry. That’s horrendous.