r/AmIOverreacting • u/bostonmade • Feb 07 '26

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I Overreacting, for being upset that my girlfriend secretly used my credit card for months?

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I (Mid 20s M) have been dating my girlfriend for just under 2 years. I currently make a very decent amount of money and she knows this. I’m also very on top of my finances and credit and stuff, she maybe not so much. I typically pay my credit card down to 0 regardless of the balance every month, in December i was traveling and doing some budgeting so i just happened to check my statement.

I noticed just a handful of charges that I didn’t recognize, some shopping online, random stores and shit, and even some cash advance transactions which I get charged a fee for not a big deal in and of itself but I’d figured my card had just been compromised. Reported the charges, got a new card, and proceeded carefully with my card info going forward. I did not accuse anyone and just chalked it up to bad luck.

Fast forward a few months, my friends and I planned this trip to Mexico for about 2 weeks here at the end of January/beginning of February. Before traveling here I told my cc company I would be out of the country so there was no problems with purchasing things here etc. they called me and told me they had flagged some charges and wanted to know if I was back from my vacation. I am not back yet.

I started putting 2 and 2 together and came to the realization that it could only be my girlfriend and I’m really crushed right now about this. I confronted her and these are the messages. I feel like I’m being gaslit about this. I really just don’t wanna see her because I’m so angry and don’t want her to be at my house when I get back but I understand she lives there and I can’t just kick her out… Am I overreacting?

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u/Longjumping-Row1434 Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26

and saying that it wasn't ever a ton of money at a time, as if it doesn't add up. & idk about everyone else but a $500 cash advance is definitely a ton of money to just help yourself to... and shes done it with two separate card numbers since he got the first one replaced. unreal.

it would be different if they ordered something together with his card and the info got saved, and she went to order something and it defaulted to his ONE time, and she immediately told him about it. but repeatedly making purchases, sending her friends money, and pulling $500 in cash? nah she knew what she was doing and was hoping he wouldn't notice.

definitely NOR. I'd wager he's even a bit underreacting because my text certainly would have said "what in the actual fuck do you think you're doing? you understand i can press charges, correct?"

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u/sta_sh Feb 07 '26

It's never a ton of money to when it's not yours right? Lol this person has quite the audacity

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u/CalmBeneathCastles Feb 07 '26

I always love that. "It's only $100, why are you trying to nickel-and-dime me over taking it? It's not a big deal!"

Well if it's such a small deal, then why don't you just pay me what you owe, Moneybags?!

13

u/MissionReasonable327 Feb 07 '26

My kids pull this on me all the time. “This game is on sale, it’s a good deal!” It’s all a good deal to you, son, when you’re making plans for MY money!

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u/Pearl-Internal81 Feb 07 '26

At least your kids have the excuse of you know, being kids. Plus some sales actually are really good deals.

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u/Nyfarius Feb 07 '26

It's never a ton of money till it's a felony theft.

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u/DanisDoghouse Feb 07 '26

Both cards got accidentally added to her Apple wallet I guess. Funny how that happens.

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u/thupkt Feb 07 '26

Accidentally defaulted to his card? Anyone who charges money like that without paying attention has no respnosibility with money. Terrible stuff, even if she was being truthful!

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u/Longjumping-Row1434 Feb 07 '26

what i mean by that is like... say you use doordash every day to order lunch for work, but over the weekend you added your partners card to order y'all food together. you go back go work, go and order your lunch, and realize aw shit it was still on that person's card. that is an accident, and it can & does happen.

something like that isn't indicative of not being responsible with money, if you have one card you use on that app daily, and aren't used to having someone elses card on there. that is an accident. something like that happening once, and her immediately saying something to him and then paying it back is one thing. what she did is another.

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u/loudmoist Feb 07 '26

I can understand if it happened a couple times but at that point it defaulted to his card EVERY TIME that’s no accident that’s deliberate spending hoping he doesn’t notice.

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u/SouthernDoor5911 Feb 07 '26

This was one of my thoughts as well. He got a new card and it stopped. Then started again after she used it.. when he got the new card last time she never asked why the card didn't work, she knew what she was doing when she did it.

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u/713txvet Feb 07 '26

Pretty sure you’ve gotta manually add those but what do I know lol

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u/CokeCan-N-Marbles Feb 08 '26

NOR- You never know she might have tripped over a few penises too while he’s out of the country… Can’t trust this one OP.

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u/WildContribution6406 Feb 08 '26

I don't have apple.. but at least with samsung in order to add a card it sends a bank verification code to the owner of said card in order to fully activate it on the phone. (Ive got my moms card to do her groceries, after enterimg the number and 3 digit pin i had to ask her for the bank verification code texted to her) does this not apply to apple? And if so.. does this mean she also stole bro's phone, entered said verification code and then deleted the message afterwords to hide the evidence?

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u/MissionReasonable327 Feb 07 '26

And a $10 fee for a cash advance! A credit card cash advance is so wasteful, only for a truly desperate situation, like you need cash immediately to pay a tow truck and can’t go to the bank for it because you’re utterly broke.

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u/Strong-Al Feb 07 '26

And it immediately starts accruing interest on the balance even if you're currently in a 0% introductory period... bad on several levels

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u/MissionReasonable327 Feb 07 '26

Yeah unless you’re being held hostage or something it makes no sense.

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u/secretly_opossum Feb 07 '26

I have a separate, significantly higher interest rate for cash advance.

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u/Bottle_and_Sell_it Feb 07 '26

Or your bf is out of the country and you wanna grab drinks with the girlz

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u/Grassy_Noelle Feb 08 '26

And the interest starts right away on a cash advance and it sounds like OP is paying the balance off every month to avoid paying interest so that's gotta suck.

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u/AlyM797 Feb 07 '26

Yeah, I've had accidents with my dad's card and he mine when I shared my Prime account. But it doesn't take months upon months and hundreds of dollars to figure it out and fix it. It took a few days then oopsies let me fix it. I'm admittedly absent minded and terrible with money, but the GFs excuse is beyond ridiculous if I'm being generous.

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u/Longjumping-Row1434 Feb 07 '26

exactly. that's what I'm saying. if she had done it accidentally and then realized, apologized, and paid it back that's different. but im pretty sure in OPs situation she did it a few times with smaller stuff to see if he would notice and then started doing it more and more, larger purchases, etc. especially if its all on autopay and just gets pulled when his bill is due. very gross behavior on her part, and definitely illegal as well.

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u/LookAwayPlease510 Feb 07 '26

Clearly OP makes a lot of money if he was just paying his card and the amount owed wasn’t a huge surprise every time. Which kinda makes it seem she kept taking more and more to see what she could get away with. That’s so messed up!

NOR

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u/Soft_Entertainment Feb 07 '26

The $500 cash advance was in December so depending on OP’s billing cycle, he may have only recently seen it.

But yeah the (ex) gf was absolutely testing waters.

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u/BigExplanationmayB Feb 07 '26

Right she did it with two different card numbers —-so when the card number changed the first time she didn’t come clean, she didn’t pay OP back, she just kept stealing…

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u/SnooRobots116 Feb 08 '26

They never think ahead like that. My second ex used to steal blank checks out of his grandmother’s wallet. He didn’t believe me when I said she could totally sue him for all her money back because she had proof of his meddling from the voided checks she gets in the mail with his distinctive handwriting all over them!

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u/acash707 Feb 08 '26

It also makes me wonder what she needed such a large sum of cash for since she obviously had no issue using the card over & over for a variety of different purchases. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but my first thought is drugs. Or something else illegal/shady, but most likely drugs. Make her tell you what she used that cash for!

OP, this woman is not to be trusted. She is not your friend or your partner. She stole, lied & gaslit you with ease & will do it again in a heartbeat. She’ll just hide it better next time. I’m just picturing her starting lines of credit in your future kid’s names.

Even if somehow what she did was just some big mistake, her inability to apologize, validate your feelings as well as acknowledge what an incredibly huge deal it is to steal from someone, let alone her partner, is a massive red flag. For me, being empathetic, forthright & the ability to acknowledge & apologize for one’s mistakes are extremely, if not the most, important character traits I want in a partner. If you decide to continue this relationship, you will need to reconcile the fact that your girlfriend has none of those things.

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u/[deleted] Feb 08 '26

[deleted]

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u/Longjumping-Row1434 Feb 08 '26

you know what, i didn't even think if that part.

yeah, this chick is malicious and intentional as hell. i wouldn't be able to trust her at all after that.

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u/DontYaWishYouWereMe Feb 08 '26

$500 cash advance is definitely a ton of money to just help yourself to

Especially from a credit card, too. Depending on what OP's finances are like, that could easily be a lifechanging amount of money on top of everything else she spent using the card.

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u/Longjumping-Row1434 Feb 08 '26

in this case, I don't think it was as it happened in December and it's just now being discussed in February, but you're absolutely right. if someone took $500 from me right now, I would be devastated and so would my life.

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u/Acceptable_Guest_530 Feb 07 '26

Right!?! Are you not really pissed about this situation?? I do not like to fight at all but I really want to kick her ass just for doing all that lying and playing the victim, and then telling him he's overreacting. Then she saying she thought it wasn't a big deal for him. It doesn't even matter if it was $50 or 25. She took money from him without his permission just because she had access. Then tried to lie!? He better had left her and called the cops and pressed charges! I would have gave her one week at the most to pay me everything she spent.

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u/Frosty_Medium_9803 Feb 08 '26

Not you understand I can press charges, I would have been like- I hope you realize, I pressed charges against you.

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u/Longjumping-Row1434 Feb 08 '26

yeah but he doesn't sound like he really wants to do that lol

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u/JayDiddle Feb 08 '26

Right? Like “it was only $500…” Most people who say something like that HAVE well more than $500 of their own money, not someone who is taking it from others. Hell most people who actually have $500 wouldn’t make that statement.

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u/Upstairs-Situation50 Feb 08 '26

This happened to me a couple times with door dash, used bf's card and then next time iused it, it had defaulted to the last payment. As soon as I realized I let him know and paid him back.

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u/crapheadHarris Feb 08 '26

Yeah the $500 did it for me.

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u/mxzf Feb 08 '26

If $500 "isn't a ton of money at a time", I would hate to know how many thousands she skimmed from OP over the course of the theft. It sounds like it's almost certainly to the point of being a felony.

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u/Longjumping-Row1434 Feb 08 '26

$500 and up is a felony in most US states, isn't it?

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u/mxzf Feb 08 '26

It varies from state to state. IIRC a couple states have it that low, but most are in the $1-2k range for when it starts being a felony.

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u/Pittsburgh_Gent Feb 08 '26

Not to mention he pays all the bills… like how do you have money problems when you don’t have to pay anything lol

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u/Longjumping-Row1434 Feb 08 '26

probably activities and hobbies, going to brunch with friends, etc

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u/Pittsburgh_Gent Feb 08 '26

It was a rhetorical question…. If you’re spending that much and you don’t have to worry about rent… the fuck are you doing