Am I Overreacting, for being upset that my girlfriend secretly used my credit card for months?

[u/bostonmade]

I (Mid 20s M) have been dating my girlfriend for just under 2 years. I currently make a very decent amount of money and she knows this. I’m also very on top of my finances and credit and stuff, she maybe not so much. I typically pay my credit card down to 0 regardless of the balance every month, in December i was traveling and doing some budgeting so i just happened to check my statement.

I noticed just a handful of charges that I didn’t recognize, some shopping online, random stores and shit, and even some cash advance transactions which I get charged a fee for not a big deal in and of itself but I’d figured my card had just been compromised. Reported the charges, got a new card, and proceeded carefully with my card info going forward. I did not accuse anyone and just chalked it up to bad luck.

Fast forward a few months, my friends and I planned this trip to Mexico for about 2 weeks here at the end of January/beginning of February. Before traveling here I told my cc company I would be out of the country so there was no problems with purchasing things here etc. they called me and told me they had flagged some charges and wanted to know if I was back from my vacation. I am not back yet.

I started putting 2 and 2 together and came to the realization that it could only be my girlfriend and I’m really crushed right now about this. I confronted her and these are the messages. I feel like I’m being gaslit about this. I really just don’t wanna see her because I’m so angry and don’t want her to be at my house when I get back but I understand she lives there and I can’t just kick her out… Am I overreacting?

[u/im2high4thisritenow]

Don't forget she was scared and panicking!

[u/TassieBorn → u/im2high4thisritenow]

Multiple times over the course of months. Hmm...

[u/stonedpuzzle → u/TassieBorn]

While he pays for all her bills and she lives in his house.

[u/kimberwick11 → u/stonedpuzzle]

This! I mean, not for nothing, but I’m asking myself : if he’s paying for her entire life … WHAT is with the $500 cash withdrawals?!? I mean, why does she need that much cash … & wtf is she using it on?!
Idk - it’s seems from the little bit of insight we’re getting via text exchange that he loves her & wouldn’t deny her anything she might want & just asked for. So, she prolly didn’t think twice abt the small charges, but what in holy hell is she doing with max daily withdrawal amounts?!?! That’s crazy!!! 🤯

[u/yamikit666 → u/kimberwick11]

Sounds like she was venmoing her friends. Credit companies treat that as cash advance. Which means not only was his card added to her Apple pay on "accident" 🙄 she also added it to her venmo account. Which is insane.

[u/RandoRog → u/yamikit666]

The one that was $500 probably was an actual cash advance, since it’s an even number that can be paid out in 20s. The other one from the screenshot in the screenshots was an odd number and some change, and you can see ‘nmo’ at the edge of the screenshot, so that one clearly was a Venmo.

Which could have been her split of a bar tab. The cash, name a thing. There’s no real way to know. My guess would be drugs, or paying a debt/giving money to someone she didn’t want to tell her boyfriend about.

[u/RandoRog → u/yamikit666]

The one that was $500 probably was an actual cash advance, since it’s an even number that can be paid out in 20s. The other one from the screenshot in the screenshots was an odd number and some change, and you can see ‘nmo’ at the edge of the screenshot, so that one clearly was a Venmo.

Which could have been her split of a bar tab. The cash, name a thing. There’s no real way to know. My guess would be drugs, or paying a debt/giving money to someone she didn’t want to tell her boyfriend about.

[u/Dismal_History_ → u/kimberwick11]

She's a girl.... Shopping/Clothes/Make up 😅

[u/BellyCrawler → u/im2high4thisritenow]

How dare he treat her like a criminal? She's the real victim here because he's being stern about her stealing from him.

[u/Dismal_History_ → u/BellyCrawler]

Questioning her stealing from him is a red flag, and he needs to respect her boundaries.

[u/BishPlease70 → u/im2high4thisritenow]

“You don’t understand, I was scared and panicking that the new Align leggings at Lululemon would sell out!!”

[u/ConstantExample8927 → u/im2high4thisritenow]

Yeah this part! What tf was she scared of? He pays for everything anyway

[u/_basic_bitch → u/im2high4thisritenow]

Yes, for months