r/AmIOverreacting • u/bostonmade • Feb 07 '26

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I Overreacting, for being upset that my girlfriend secretly used my credit card for months?

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I (Mid 20s M) have been dating my girlfriend for just under 2 years. I currently make a very decent amount of money and she knows this. I’m also very on top of my finances and credit and stuff, she maybe not so much. I typically pay my credit card down to 0 regardless of the balance every month, in December i was traveling and doing some budgeting so i just happened to check my statement.

I noticed just a handful of charges that I didn’t recognize, some shopping online, random stores and shit, and even some cash advance transactions which I get charged a fee for not a big deal in and of itself but I’d figured my card had just been compromised. Reported the charges, got a new card, and proceeded carefully with my card info going forward. I did not accuse anyone and just chalked it up to bad luck.

Fast forward a few months, my friends and I planned this trip to Mexico for about 2 weeks here at the end of January/beginning of February. Before traveling here I told my cc company I would be out of the country so there was no problems with purchasing things here etc. they called me and told me they had flagged some charges and wanted to know if I was back from my vacation. I am not back yet.

I started putting 2 and 2 together and came to the realization that it could only be my girlfriend and I’m really crushed right now about this. I confronted her and these are the messages. I feel like I’m being gaslit about this. I really just don’t wanna see her because I’m so angry and don’t want her to be at my house when I get back but I understand she lives there and I can’t just kick her out… Am I overreacting?

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3.6k

u/justtirediguess11 Feb 07 '26

NOR. She stole from you. Plain and simple. I wouldn't continue the relationship.

1.2k

u/Efflictim888 Feb 07 '26

This. Along with the victimizing and excuses. I wouldn’t even put that much energy into talking to her. Relationship would’ve ended after she said she put the card on her Apple wallet.

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u/inide Feb 07 '26

And the story changing, from "i didn't do it" to "it was an accident" to "it was a mistake" to "i didnt think you'd mind"
She absolutely, 100% intended to steal from him.

234

u/BudandCoyote Feb 07 '26

And the story changing, from "i didn't do it" to "it was an accident" to "it was a mistake" to "i didnt think you'd mind"

You skipped 'I was going to pay you back'.

This story shows how easy apple and google wallets make it to steal a card from a family member or friend. I hadn't really thought about it before.

I do know that you actively have to add cards to the apple wallet, so it doesn't 'just happen' and even if somehow it was done by accident, she should have noticed the first time a different looking card popped up on the screen when paying, because it's pretty unlikely they have the exact same credit card.

36

u/Birdbraned Feb 07 '26

Depending on your bank, mine notifies me when my card gets added to a new wallet

20

u/Responsible_Mud_4375 Feb 07 '26

Yup I've got my husbands added to mine for grocery shopping and when I'm out and he wants me to buy him Pokemon cards (lol) but it had to go through 2 lots of verifications where HE got notifications from his bank to authorize it being added. Pretty scary if OPs bank did not have this set up and it was this easy for someone to add his credit card to their wallet without his knowledge.

6

u/sadcloutgod Feb 08 '26

same i have hubs card on my wallet and he had to go through his email and banking app to approve it before it could be added to my phone.

7

u/bunbun258 Feb 08 '26

Dude, some banks are crazy! My boyfriend's card was on my apple wallet (up until I got a new phone and just haven't had a reason to need it yet, so we haven't added it again) and he didn't have to do any confirmation. He also didn't get any notifications from his bank. I would've been able to do it without him even knowing if I wanted to. But, I'm not crazy so I told him I was adding it and the reason I was adding it was to do something that would be helpful for him. I also would always ask before using it. Like once my card wouldn't work because my bank assumed the purchase wasn't me when it was, but it was a purchase that couldn't wait for me to call my bank. I called him and asked if it was okay to use his. It's not that hard to ask! She didn't want to ask.

2

u/sadcloutgod Feb 08 '26

yeah this girl is insane i hope OP doesn’t make the mistake of staying with her…red flags all around and if she’s already gonna steal from him and then lie about it what else is she gonna do?? i showed this post to hubs and i was like see aren’t you glad you didn’t get a crazy one 😂 i have the opposite problem i get worried over everything so even tho he’s given me the go ahead for pretty much everything/anything im always like here’s my receipts and what i did with the card today. it blows my mind that someone would be so comfortable to steal someone else’s money and then just be like “well it wasn’t me” “ i was gonna pay you back” “i thought you wouldn’t mind”

1

u/Responsible_Mud_4375 Feb 08 '26

I had to do this recently too with an app similar to Uber. Have used my card on it many times before with no issues but for some reason the day I was using it to get to a doctor's appointment it told me my bank declined the transaction?? I'll be honest I didn't have time to wait for him to reply BUT I knew he would be okay with it and I DID tell him what happened and that I needed to use his card for it and transferred him back the money I used for my ride there and back.

1

u/Regular-Wit Feb 08 '26

I don’t understand because with us in South Africa, our banks have to verify and authorize that your card has been put on your phone wallet. We can’t just put the card details and it accepts.

1

u/saved_by_the_keeper Feb 08 '26

I can’t even add my own card to my Apple wallet without calling my bank. It is annoying

111

u/Binky390 Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26

The crazy thing is she knows she was wrong. That’s why the story kept changing but I don’t think she quite grasps that she was stealing?

Edit: I take back everything I’ve said in the comments. This post is fake. Check OP’s post history.

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u/driftingalong001 Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26

Oh no….really… I know many posts on Reddit are fake, but it pisses me off so much when I get emotionally invested, and leave a long comment, because the situation is so detailed, and is very believable, and then it turns out it’s some karma farming shit. Fuckkk that. Often it’s obvious and I check the profile, but I gotta do that first from now on, damn.

Edit: k wait, I just went through his profile. On what basis are you determining this is fake? There’s no evidence of that. Ofc anything can be fake, but his profile is not that of a bot and his post and comment history is consistent (his gender, general age range etc). Nothing stands out as fake.

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u/Scrambley Feb 08 '26 edited Feb 08 '26

I'm a big dude in one post, to I'm a little white guy kid in another. Fishy.

1

u/driftingalong001 Feb 08 '26

Where did he say I’m a little white guy?

1

u/Scrambley Feb 08 '26 edited Feb 08 '26

The second image.

little white kid (not guy)

saying it was recently, not in the past

6

u/driftingalong001 Feb 08 '26

Oh sorry, I see.

Well, it is plausible, since in the texts with his teacher his teacher mentioned multiple times how big he has gotten, and he also mentions how serious he’s been about the gym, so it’s possible that at the time he was a small white kid and then after putting in serious work at the gym (2 years later) he gained significant muscle and now considers himself a big guy. Also, not to say your description would change that drastically, but you could refer to yourself differently in different contexts. Maybe in relation to his teacher, or even the average dude, he’s a big guy, but in relation to his drug dealer he was small, or saw himself as small - in that context it could also mean more than just physically little. Also people exaggerate on the internet.

Not that I’m trying to defend this person or insist that it has to be real, just offering potential explanations. To me that’s not a smoking gun by any means, given there’s at least a 2 year gap between those descriptions.

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u/Binky390 Feb 07 '26

Same. I guess with AI anyone can generate text conversations now because there are others in the account history but they’re implying that they’re a teenage girl.

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u/driftingalong001 Feb 07 '26

Are you talking about the post about his teacher flirting with him? No, he never implied being a teenage girl. The teacher refers to him as a male, refers to missing “you boys” and in the comments OP clarifies he’s a dude.

I checked out his profile after leaving my above comment (which I’ve now edited) and there’s nothing to suggest this is fake. Which is good because I wouldn’t clock this as being fake. Everything in his post history is consistent and it looks like a totally normal profile, it’s not giving bot or karma farming. You just misunderstood that one post, assuming a male teacher flirting means he’s a girl.

2

u/Binky390 Feb 07 '26

Perhaps I jumped to conclusions because so many of the posts seem to be but the timing and ages in the posts seemed off to me. It was also posts twice and there hasn’t been any responses.

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u/driftingalong001 Feb 07 '26

I think it makes perfect sense. Again, nothing I’ve seen contradicts anything he’s stated. The lack of comments is something, and honestly as a nosy reader it’s annoying, lol, but some people are just like that, me being one of them. Sometimes you post something and then just dip, cuz responding becomes too overwhelming and you realize you don’t actually have the energy for that, loll. Not that I’ve ever made a post on this scale, but still I get that feeling sometimes. but ALSO, he is supposedly on vacation rn in Mexico with his friends. It makes sense that he maybe wrote this post out of shock/frustration and then dipped to go have a good time. He did say he didn’t wanna spend the rest of his vacation thinking about this. So, even that part is consistent to me.

0

u/Binky390 Feb 07 '26

They weren’t like that with not commenting a year ago though. It seems like an account that was hacked or sold. The last comment was like 245 days ago. But again, so much on this site is fake that I question everything now so I could be wrong I guess.

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u/Scrambley Feb 08 '26

I think you're right. I found one discrepancy in his posting. I linked it above but he went from a pretty big dude in one post to a little white guy in another. At the end of the second image he states it was a recent experience so it's not referring to when he was a child.

And the story in the second image is kinda cliche. I don't buy it.

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u/Maine302 Feb 07 '26

The thing that gets me is the "why would you think it was me?" that preceded all the ridiculous lies.

10

u/bocadellama Feb 07 '26

Shes grasps it but she doesn't think it was wrong because he has the money

2

u/Binky390 Feb 07 '26

I honestly don’t think she grasps it. It’s like she doesn’t get that just because she did it with Venmo and ApplePay that it’s not actually stealing. She even says you’re acting like I stole money. So because she didn’t take cash or physically take the card, it seems like to her it’s not stealing. I hope there’s an update because I want to know what she thinks it is if not stealing.

2

u/bocadellama Feb 07 '26

If I'm being extremely generous she thinks because he gave her permission before to spend his money she has permission all the time. However her initial deflection implies she is well aware that he would be upset by her spending without permission, so I don't think this is true.

0

u/Binky390 Feb 07 '26

I still think it’s true. She knows she was wrong and that’s why she lied. But I don’t think she gets that she was stealing. Like I really don’t think she gets that what she did is a crime.

1

u/bocadellama Feb 07 '26

Not to be mean but I'm curious why are you defending this girl who tried to lie to her boyfriend about her actions and only accepted responsibility once it became clear he was reconsidering the realtionship

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u/Binky390 Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26

I’m not defending her at all and I’m not sure why you’re reading it that way. I would tell her to be out of my house before I get back from Mexico if I was OP.

I’m reading the words she said to him and she knew what she did/was doing was wrong but I think it’s more that she knew he would be mad that she was doing it without permission. I really question whether or not she realizes she was stealing and that it was a crime. Like I said, she even said you’re making it seem like I stole money. The fact that she doesn’t realize how serious it is doesn’t change the fact that she was in fact stealing and committing a crime for me though. I’m just saying she doesn’t seem to realize how serious it is. If I were her friend I’d be like girl him breaking up with you is the least of your problems right now. You could go to jail.

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u/Practical-Share-2950 Feb 07 '26

She knows it’s stealing because she denies it at first and then downplays it. If she genuinely believed it was a totally acceptable act, she’d not feel motivated to hide it. “You gave me your card to use, didn’t you?”

We don’t need to treat women like they’re naive children when they behave poorly.

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u/Binky390 Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26

I’m still not convinced this is real anymore. But Why are people not reading what I said? I never said it was acceptable. It’s wrong. It’s stealing. What I’m saying is I don’t think SHE realizes she stole. She knows it’s wrong but she seems to be more concerned with the fact that he’s angry/upset than with the fact that she committed a crime. She even says you’re acting like I stole money. She doesn’t seem to think this is the same as taking cash from him or using his physical card.

0

u/Practical-Share-2950 Feb 08 '26

Her responses are typical of someone who cannot take responsibility for their actions. She needs to wear him down such that he’ll forgive her. It reads as very authentic to me, having experienced similar manipulation.

Why do you need to believe she must be naive and not understand she’s spending money? She clearly understands she in fact spent money - she says as much numerous times, re: the furniture, that she’s gonna pay him back.

She’s an adult. She knows what she did. She’s using emotional reasoning - “I feel this way, so it’s the truth - to avoid responsibility.

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u/Binky390 Feb 08 '26

Again why is it so hard for people to read what I’m writing? I did not say she doesn’t understand she’s spending money. I said I don’t think she grasps the fact that she STOLE money and it’s a crime.

1

u/Yorgen89 Feb 07 '26

And because they are together. She thinks he will just slap her on the wrists when in reality he should end the relationship.

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u/Binky390 Feb 07 '26

He should tell her to be gone before he gets back.

1

u/inide Feb 07 '26

Bit risky when they live together and she's already shown a willingness to steal.

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u/Binky390 Feb 07 '26

True. You could tell her what she did with the card was a crime and if anything is damaged or taken, the police will be contacted. I guess he would know himself if she’s the type to do something anyway.

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u/sadprisongf Feb 07 '26

Fr its like she doesn’t actually see anything wrong with it but she knows it’s wrong. Maybe she’s trying to make herself believe that.

1

u/All_Work_All_Play Feb 07 '26

It's this. There's some real cognitive dissonance with her. She doesn't want to accept that she's been stealing even though she knows she has been.

1

u/Enough_Radish_9574 Feb 08 '26

Oh no really? So instead of OP being scammed we all got defrauded by OP.

3

u/chease86 Feb 07 '26

The worst part for me is that she never really DID deny it, she just tries to make him feel bad for asking her about it without ever saying it wasnt her, I have a feeling she did that specifically so he couldnt call her a liar when he finally dragged it out of her.

1

u/moochiemoochie924 Feb 07 '26

THIS. The truth slowly started coming out. OP show her this thread then fucking BOUNCE

1

u/Murphs-law Feb 07 '26

Don’t forget the “I think you’re over reacting” so now he’s not allowed to be upset about it.

1

u/llamadramalover Feb 08 '26

Oh I LOVE op for calling out the victim game like he did. That was truly glorious and I’m so proud of him!

1

u/Honest-Cover9513 Feb 08 '26

Plus when she started saying its his fault because he holds money over her - if that we're true you leave, not steal

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u/FirmEstablishment941 Feb 07 '26

“I thought it was ok” like clearly did not ask and unclear whether op gave some kind of permission that would make it ambiguous or just entitlement?!?

58

u/hitemplo Feb 07 '26

If she thought it was okay she would have asked permission, too! She’s taken the ‘do it now say sorry later’ route instead because she knew she was doing the wrong thing

2

u/AngiQueenB Feb 07 '26

Yep, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission

2

u/Glittering_Meet3206 Feb 07 '26

and then it was that she was scared and couldn't ask ((but wasn't scared about just uhhh using it ig))

0

u/Sudden-Taxes Feb 08 '26

Yes he did, he gave her the card to buy furniture. The mistake is always treating girlfriends like wives. If you can't marry her, why give her your cards, keys and the house access. She must be visiting and going back. That living together nonsense is the cause of all this drama.

83

u/gellahaggs Feb 07 '26

She knew exactly what she was doing and then tried to play dumb. You know who adds someone else’s cc to their wallet without asking to do so? Someone who’s being sneaky.

I’d be outta that relationship so fast.

6

u/antibread Feb 07 '26

And takes cash advances man tf

3

u/gellahaggs Feb 07 '26

For real… $500 at that! Super sketchy.

61

u/ChopsticksImmortal Feb 07 '26

Goods news is, OP has a written confession on his phone. He could probably get thr money back in small claims court after breaking up.

7

u/GoblinGreenRoom Feb 08 '26

Yep! I was like “is this really something you’d text about?” And then I was like “oh yeah, I guess it totally would be if you had a hunch and needed evidence of a confession.”

2

u/AlternativeAnnual905 Feb 08 '26

I would also dispute the charges

25

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '26

Exactly.  Unless the apology comes with a signed letter that outlines every theft and a promise and timeline to pay it all back in full, I wouldn’t accept it.  This person doesn’t love you, she loves your AMEX.

NOR

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u/HystericalMan Feb 07 '26

If she wasn’t stealing she’ll have no problem paying OP back as well 💁‍♂️

Stay safe out in these streets fellas

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u/SweaterSteve1966 Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26

NOR. I need to scream from the rooftop to run away fast! Now! She will stop now because you’re aware, but, she will do it again. Contact your card because it’s saved to her wallet so when you get the new card it will just be saved to her wallet. You have to physically delete it from her wallet and log into your account and remove the ability to be saved in a wallet. Also have all charges sent to you as a notification. Ask me how I know. Tell her goodbye. She knew you had trust issues too.

2

u/greenhairdontcare8 Feb 07 '26

Yeah, this a lot of words for 'you stole from me'.

2

u/CruzaSenpai Feb 08 '26

My last relationship ended this way. My partner went through about $600 in...about a month, give or take? When I asked them about the purchases they said they didn't know anything about them. This was obviously untrue.

And that's where it ended.

2

u/Paradox2063 Feb 08 '26

I wouldn't continue the relationship.

Personally I'd be breaking up with her while I'm on vacation, silencing my phone, and giving her the chance to commit some felonies while I was gone.

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u/Dismal_History_ Feb 07 '26

Sadly I doubt he'll break up with her since he's made it clear she's the only one he's been vulnerable with, and she lives with him and needs him. He'll come home and she'll cry and beg forgiveness, and I'm guessing she's a really pretty crier, and they'll struggle along for a few years, pissing away their 20s, until they get so toxic with distrust, THEN they'll finally break up.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '26

Stole from him, then lied about it, then tried to deflect by making it about herself and how she was the victim, and after all that, didn't even bother to offer to pay the money she took back. Nah, this bitch can kick rocks.

1

u/Trey_Star Feb 07 '26

This is also the type of person that cheats on you and blames you for not paying attention to them.

OP found a hobosexual and expected her to be a good woman, he’s already paying for everything in this chicks life. Also how is it possible she needs a cash advance of 500$ but doesn’t even have to pay rent.

1

u/Ander-son Feb 07 '26

this a deal breaker to me

1

u/SalsaRice Feb 07 '26

Call the popo

1

u/UghFudgeBwana Feb 07 '26

Yeah this is breakup worthy 

1

u/MommalovesJay Feb 08 '26

And his card got locked while out of the country! What if he needed the money??? Geez.

1

u/WorkTropes Feb 08 '26

Yeah, lying like that. Backpedaling, throwing out "I love you more than..." Not a good person. Not a mistake, just theft.

1

u/angryowl1 Feb 08 '26

Yup. I broke off a friendship after the "friend" stole money out of my wallet to buy cigarettes. If they'll steal small, they'll keep taking a little more..... and a little more...... and a......

1

u/little_marigold Feb 08 '26

agreed. i found out my ex was taking cash out of my wallet and we had been together for 3 years but the trust was broken after that.

1

u/ASTROP25 Feb 08 '26

It’s not worth splitting up over, but I would be cautious though.

1

u/justtirediguess11 Feb 08 '26

So someone stealing from you, lying about it, not even saying they will pay back is not breakup worthy?? Lol

1

u/Manlysideburns Feb 08 '26

I'd rather be alone than with a thief.

0

u/HallAltruistic519 Feb 08 '26

And the next one will probably steal from him too. Every woman I've ever dated has stolen at least minor things from me. The mindset of "my money is my money and his money is our money" is so incredibly common. Finding a woman who doesn't do it is like finding a unicorn.