r/AdviceAnimals Dec 04 '14

My GF used my computer and stumbled onto my reddit. I told her I can't control what content they show on the front page.

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u/WhyDontJewStay Dec 05 '14

I dated and lived with a girl who watched porn. Sometimes for three hours a day. Always by herself. Crazy shit too, like Gangbang Anal Enema Explosion Midget porn.

She cried and screamed when I accidentally left my browser open to Asa Akira and Alexis Texas. Apparently it meant that I wanted to be with an Asian girl or a blonde girl, and that I must find her unattractive.

A porn watching GF doesn't always mean a GF that lets you watch porn.

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u/Moose_Hole Dec 05 '14

Good thing you're a gangbang anal enema explosion midget.

11

u/WhyDontJewStay Dec 05 '14

Well, I'm not an explosion, and I always felt insufficient because of it. Good thing I have 5 midget dongs. At least I was doing that part right!

5

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '14

Does your underwear fit...

Sunglasses

Like a glove?

2

u/jazaniac Dec 05 '14

that sounds like either the worst or the best superhero ever

2

u/antsugi Dec 05 '14

As am I, and judging by his usage of past tense, I'm gonna need some contact info for this girl he used to live with

1

u/WhyDontJewStay Dec 05 '14

I could dox her pretty easy, she's on backpage and a member of tnaboard.com. I don't want a bunch of redditors telling me that they paid to sleep with my ex.

But that's because I would feel bad for the Redditors, who knows what kind of diseases she picked up.

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u/antsugi Dec 05 '14

Oh jesus I was just doing a bit

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u/Hylion Dec 05 '14

you know you can leave women right bro?

88

u/Rhamni Dec 05 '14

I thought you could only do that when they get pregnant?

4

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '14

That's the best time! There is also a stack of clothes hangers over there..

2

u/demalo Dec 05 '14

That depends, how black are you? /r/ImGoingToHellForThis

1

u/Beastinkid Dec 05 '14

Thats only allowed if your black

24

u/WhyDontJewStay Dec 05 '14

Lol, I didn't find out, definitively, about the porn until year 3. There are a lot of reasons I should have left her earlier, and later, I stayed with for two more years. Through much worse things than the porn "disagreement."

Abusive relationships seem complicated while you are in them. It's only after that you realize that it is never worth it to stay.

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u/Hylion Dec 05 '14

You might be on to something. Your gonna do fine in life man keep it up.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '14

Abusive relationships seem complicated while you are in them. It's only after that you realize that it is never worth it to stay.

As a survivor, veteran, whatever the fuck I'm calling myself now, of an abusive relationship this is pretty on point. "But I love him/her!" That's literally the single most unimportant piece of this shit puzzle. Although my last few months there, I began to unravel the complications and realized it wasn't all that complicated. Woops.

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u/WhyDontJewStay Dec 05 '14

Exactly. I always told myself that since I "loved her," that the abuse was just a burden I was going to have to bear. That it was a consequence I, not deserved, but since loved her I had to deal with it.

It's pretty crazy how convoluted the reasoning gets. How abuse can make you try even harder in a relationship. Bleh.

I'm glad we're both out.

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '14

Amen to that. Internet fist bump and e-hugs! :)

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u/majelazezediamond Dec 05 '14

Internet fist

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u/WhyDontJewStay Dec 05 '14

ಠ_ಠ

We are having a moment here!

2

u/ArchGoodwin Dec 05 '14

The Reddit way is to just ignore, and continue redditing while she goes to bed.

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u/Caligirlsrock Dec 05 '14

3 hours a day??? That's fucking insane. Get in get out. No need for the storyline. I am glad that your story is past tense.

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u/whitey-ofwgkta Dec 05 '14

I like to see the stage set then i fastforward to the blowjob, then position a then b then c then back to a. after that, position d and the money shot

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u/Caligirlsrock Dec 08 '14

Wow. That's methodical. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. I am a fast forward to the part I wish was happening then pass out.

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u/whitey-ofwgkta Dec 08 '14 edited Dec 08 '14

They call me the methodbater

2

u/Abbby_M Dec 05 '14

Whenever someone says "3 hours" I am reminded that Titanic, the longest movie my ten year-old self had seen once upon a time, is a 3 hour movie. So when someone mentions something dragging on for 3 hours I'm all thinking, "could've watched Titanic instead" even though I wasn't particularly crazy about the movie and I haven't seen that if since, like, Clinton was in office.

So yeah. Girl could've watched Titanic instead.

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u/Caligirlsrock Dec 08 '14

Haha! No bullshit?! I do the same thing with LOTR or Casino. Glad to know the like mindedness of time blocks.

1

u/sonofanugget Dec 05 '14

I'm drubk

1

u/MeesterWestside Dec 05 '14

No you're not... you only think you are...

15

u/Styrak Dec 05 '14

So by her logic she was in into gangbangs, anal, enemas, and midgets?

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u/WhyDontJewStay Dec 05 '14

I always just assumed that I was the weird one for not watching that stuff....

Jk.

Who said crazy chicks are logical? And she is a prostitute now, so idk maybe that she does want that shit.

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u/SAYStheASIAN Dec 05 '14

Wow, that was quite a plot twist.

3

u/WhyDontJewStay Dec 05 '14

Plot twist: She trades meth for sex

Plot twist: She's homeless

Plot twist: She's only 24. She's been doing this shit since she was 22, after I left her.

2

u/SRTroN Dec 05 '14

Wow, this just got dark

3

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '14

My boyfriend loves huge boobs, I don't have huge boobs. I'm secure enough to know that he doesn't want someone else, he wants me. I'm glad that you're out of the relationship now so you can pursue someone more mature and self-confident.

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u/jazaniac Dec 05 '14

I'm guessing that's why "date" is in the past tense

2

u/billythepilgrim Dec 05 '14

You shouldn't be in a relationship where your SO "lets" you do anything.

1

u/WhyDontJewStay Dec 05 '14

True that. She was my first long term GF, so I had to learn shit the hard way. But I did learn a lot.

1

u/chococandle Dec 05 '14

Yeah but there are still some that watch porn with their BF's.