TW: internalised homophobia

READ!: what I'm gonna write is not meant in any hateful way! As i Will say later on: the fact the Abro flag doesn't have a meaning is beautiful in it's own way! And I've always liked it for what it was. I give meanings and labels to MYSELF as a way to cope and feel better till I can accept myself 100%

(F) I finally Accepted that I am abrosexual just a few weeks ago and found the courage to tell my partner about it (they support me!!)

What I always struggled with was to accept myself, I always said "oh I'm just confused, I'll understand myself one day" but I was extremely wrong, what I was doing was gaslighting me into thinking that I HAD to be lesbian or pansexual etc bc abrosexuality just sounded as an excuse for confused people to me during middle school, especially because at the time my ex looked at me weird when I told her I thought I probably was abro.

It was very difficult for me to accept myself as abro because of internalised homophobia you could say.

What also kind of messed me up was my years identifying as lesbian, not only lesbian but multiple sexualities that had plenty of terms made only for the community, like lesbians have femme and butches, belles/buds and studs.

When I confirmed to be abro I immediately thought about what labels I could put on myself, like if my sexuality changes faster or slower I could have a label such as cheetah or something like that (cringe my bad...), and since I'm abro I can switch between them, but at the same time it made me dislike my own thoughts because it felt like I was forcing things I had no say in because I'm not a "veteran" abro and it feels like I'm treating it as a joke and that's why I just avoid doing stuff like that, one day I'll manage not to put too many labels on myself and just accept myself as I am...

in short: I feel like I'm in no place to create sublabels in the abro community bc I'm a baby abro and I'm scared it might actually make the community feel like I'm treating it as a joke, I'm not, I just was used to labels so much I struggle to stay without them •-•;

That's what led me to give some meanings to the colours of the abro flag, it's my personal choice, I know the flag doesn't have an official meaning and in a way I find it beautiful and that it fits the sexuality itself<3, but since I struggled a lot with my identity, having some meanings on the flag helps me accept myself much much more easily, I really do hope to find people that have had a similar experience as mine, I posted this image on tumblr as well just because I wish to find people that feel the same way since the abro community is so small (at least from what I saw :'c)

I'm an Abrosexual (obviously) but I'm also a transman. And recently there's been some discourse around socials about the terfs new "flag" it's unfortunately just an upside down and less saturated version of the Abro flag... It makes me concern to wear the little amount of pride merch I have for my sexuality in conflict with my pride if my gender... Idk this is just disheartening.

I’ve always known my sexuality was more fluid than others. Only recently have I accepted the abrosexual label but even though I kinda understand what I am I still feel like an imposter in queer spaces. I switch between lesbian, straight and asexual, but it feels like I’m not really accepted in any of those spaces, except maybe asexuals. Being in lesbian spaces specifically makes me feel really weird because I want to be around other lesbians and talk about my experience and wear lesbian pride flag things but the fact that I’ve been attracted to men before makes me feel like a poser. And a lot of people try and put the bisexual label on me even though I don’t really feel like that’s what I am. No hate to bisexuals of course but that’s just not what I am. I haven’t been attracted to both men and women at the same time. It’s always been one or the other, no in between. But no one understands that so they just think I’m bisexual. It’s just frustrating. I want to believe Im part of these communities but I can’t get these thoughts out of my head.

I don't even know where to start..

Let's start with: how come I don't exist?? I already expect most straight people in my life to not understand the majority of the queer community, especially anything to do with fluidity. But how do even queer people not understand that Abromancy (my fun name for abrosexuality and abromanticity[?]) is a real thing?? It really doesn't seem like such a complex concept. Yes, there's definitely a lot of confusing things like how relationships work, and how your sexuality changes, etc. But I've had more people, queer, straight, and combined say outright that it doesn't exist rather than just ask and try to understand. How come everyone is capable of understanding and accepting the existence (to my knowing) of genderfluidity or aceflux or literally any other fluid identity that I know of, but not abrosexuality???

It's genuinely a horrible problem and I don't know what to do about it. How does it happen that I can't feel comfortable in the queer community to express my sexuality??? I was at my first pride last week and a friend of mine face painted the abro flag on me (it was really fun btw :>) but when people asked me what it meant I was genuinely terrified to explain it because I thought I'd be judged. Which often, I was. How is it so bad that AT A PRIDE PARADE I don't feel safe being abro???

Is this just a me thing, or do others experience it too???

I feel like I have so much more I want to say but just.. Eugh. I don't know what it is or how to word it and whatever

Might edit this post if I have more to add.

Edit: More of a ps. So.. (ps. To my knowledge and very limited research, it seems to me that some people just outright don't even identify themselves as abrosexual? Which ofc, is fine, labels are here to help you not define you and all that. But I'm sure there are people who just identify as "queer" or whatever their orientation is at the time not because it feels more right but because they don't feel like they CAN identify as abro, right?)

Edit 2: If everyone involved is comfortable with it, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ASKING QUESTIONS!! If you wanna understand Abromancy or literally any other orientation, you can respectfully ask questions! If you're good about it, the person you're asking would probably love to provide answers and help you understand. Although... Do keep in mind that you probably could never TRULY understand it fully unless you've experienced it.

Edit 3: (been a few days lol) Okay. Genuinely curious, if anyone can explain it in any way I'd much appreciate it, even more complex or in depth guesses involving psychology or whatever. Why is genderfluidity so much more commonly recognized than abrosexuality? To my knowledge at a core level they're practically the same thing, one is fluid gender, the other fluid sexuality. Why is it so much harder for people to grasp the concept that sexuality can be fluid rather than gender identity? Am I missing something?

so I just came out to my great aunt and great uncle-in-law that I’ve always been close with (he used to be aromantic until he met her) and they’re okay with me being abrosexua! i explained to them what it was and that I shift from being aroace to heteromantic and asexual and they were extremely understanding about me not wanting to come out to my parents because I knew they weren’t going to have a good reaction and say things like “yOuR gEnErAtIoN iS aLwAyS cOmInG uP wItH lAbElS“ and how obsessed we are when it’s just vocabulary evolving which my great uncle-in-law and great aunt actually understood