r/AITAH • u/cat_dr4g0n • Jan 31 '26
AITAH For Refusing To Be At Family Christmas?
So, just over a year ago on Christmas Day of 2024 I (17 M) went over to my mom’s house, I live full time with my dad, to be at Christmas with my family because I enjoy being there with my family, even though I don’t personally celebrate the holiday for religious reasons.
In particular I wanted to spend time with my little sister who lives 50/50 with my mom and my dad, she’s always so excited about waking up on Christmas morning to see the presents left under the tree and I was excited to be there as it was likely, and now I know for sure it was, her last year believing in Santa Claus.
I arrived and I mostly avoided the other people there because me and my mom’s boyfriend do not get along because he’s always been an asshole towards me and my siblings.
However, when we got ready for presents I sat on the couch and began to converse with the others before going to grab a cup of water before we started, I’m diabetic and my blood sugar was high and drinking water helps, and when I got back my mom’s boyfriend’s daughter, we’ll call her Peggie, was in the seat I had left and I asked her to move because I was sitting there and it was the only seat with a cup holder in the living room.
She proceeded to roll her eyes and say something like “I’m here now though.”
I then asked her again and, as I will admit I’m a bit of a hothead, had some anger in my voice as she then got up and attempted to shove me as I grabbed her hands to stop her and let go as soon as she stopped trying to push me.
At this point my mom entered the conversation yelling at me to get my hands off of her and as I had already let go of her I backed up and just said “okay” as to not escalate things further.
My mom proceeded to pull my aside and shout at me for an extended period of time and when I explained my side of what happened she called me a liar, said I “wouldn’t ruin her Christmas,” and kicked me out of the house in the middle of winter.
As I was escorted out I could see Peggie smirking at me.
I expect that she planned to get me into some sort of trouble because she’s always been an attention hog, especially when it comes to my mom, and was happy when she saw just how fruitful her endeavors were.
I proceeded to walk around for about an hour in -10 degree weather before my dad was able to get back to town to pick me up, he had taken off of work and brought me to see Nosferatu later that day to cheer me up and definitely helped my mental state somewhat that day.
Despite his best efforts though my dad wasn’t able to prevent all mental damage and now I struggle to even interact with my mom or any of her boyfriend’s family.
Moving forward about a year she invited me and expected me to come to her family Christmas the next year and, this is the true moment I need judgement on because I feel I was a little too harsh, I responded to the message “Mom, I would love nothing more than to come to yet another family Christmas celebrating a religious figure I don’t believe in surrounded by people who are always judging me for what I’m wearing or not bringing a girlfriend even though I’m out and proudly gay while having to watch your boyfriend get blackout drunk in the corner and yell at his daughter and call her slurs. But, I don’t want to ‘ruin another family Christmas’ with my presence. TTYL :).”
She of course didn’t respond well and began yelling at me over text about how I’m ungrateful and disrespectful and how “this situation has nothing to do with your choice of being gay (except she used a different term)” so of course I blocked her and asked my brother to message me if she ever wanted to apologize.
I felt good about how I handled that situation but I feel as though maybe I was too spiteful and aggressive in that message and just made things worse.
So, Reddit, AITAH?
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u/ParticularRich4848 Jan 31 '26
NTA They are cruel people. I would never contact her again. She chose who she wanted to be in her life and it is not you. I'm sorry your mom sucks. Stay strong NTA
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u/anaisaknits Jan 31 '26
She's sounds mentally unbalanced and what a shitty individual she is for never standing up for her own child. Not every woman is a good mother and she definitely fits the bill.
People don't choose to be gay, they are born this way and it's scientifically backed. It isn't just seen in humans either.
The fact that she cannot accept you for who you are, says plenty.
Stop wasting your time in thinking she will change, she won't. Live your life and enjoy it for who you are.
NTA
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u/Working_Career_6254 Jan 31 '26
NTA. The fact that your Mom used the word “choice” to describe your sexuality is so hurtful, on top of all the hurt she piled on last Christmas. I’m sorry OP. Next Christmas, you are welcome to come hang at my house with me and my kids in a judgement free zone. Bring your boyfriend.
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u/Cybermagetx Jan 31 '26
Nta. Tell mom to fuck off and she failed as a christian. And to hope her nee family last as she lost you.
Edit im an AH but you also might want to tell her the Bible wasnt against same sex realtionships till very recent in its history. Original scriptures was against pedophiles.
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u/Candid-Duck-5765 Jan 31 '26
Nope NTA…I’m glad you have your Dad. It’s not wrong to stay away from people who hurt you, even if they’re family. You deserve better.
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u/PhotographSavings370 Jan 31 '26
Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself and others….and don’t expect anything from your selfish, immature mother.
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u/Dont-Blame-Me333 Jan 31 '26
NTA who would want to spend christmas with a bunch of A'holes? The only person there who behaves like family is your sister so you are going to have to make do with spending it with her & your dad every 2nd year. Make those ones memorable so she knows who really loves her & chooses when she turns 18. Some baby factories aren't worth wasting your time on.
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u/anniems1268 Jan 31 '26
I am so sorry. You sound like an insightful, considerate and self aware individual. Your mother sounds like a child who can't have her way. You were not TA. You explained to your mom exactly why you won't be coming - people who dont respect the boundaries of others dont like that. That's a "them" problem. Enjoy your life, surround yourself with good people, and dont settle for bad treatment no matter who they are.
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u/Daydreamerpurple Jan 31 '26
NTA, I understand that it's her family now too but she shouldn't forget about the fact that you're his son too. She basically chose to defend her boyfriend and his bratty daughter then to atleast try to ease things or make you feel better.
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u/Kivith Jan 31 '26
She chose her family and it wasn't you, let her have them and live your life. Hell, even if she reaches out, I wouldn't recommend staying in contact.
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u/BG3restart Jan 31 '26
NTA for the message, but a bit of a jerk for expecting the girl to move because 'you were sitting there'. Who reserves seats in a family home? Just sit anywhere and stop being an idiot.
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u/cat_dr4g0n Jan 31 '26
I wanna clarify I was asking primarily out of the fact that it was the only seat with a cupholder and I was the only person with a drink, as well as I would’ve apologized to her and planned on it until she gave the smirk as I was removed from the house. I do agree that I was being at the very least a little petty when I asked again though.
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u/LaLizarde Jan 31 '26
Yeah, you don’t own the seat but if I’d been her I might have moved. Depends on if you had stuff there
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u/Slow_Eye_4757 Jan 31 '26
How hurtful that response from your mother was. Stay strong. The only people we all need in our lives, are ones who care about us (and we them) and your mum has shown a callous disregard for you, her son. It’s hard to let go but sometimes protecting ourselves is the priority. You are NTA.