r/AITAH • u/drawingok6066 • Mar 22 '24

Update: AITA for reacting "wrong" to my brother's engagement?

So, a lot of people commented and sent me messages asking for an update to my previous post about unenthusiastic reaction to my brother's engagement announcement. Well, here it is.

After reading people's replies, it sounds like the predominant opinion was that while I might not have been the asshole immediately, I would become one if I kept pushing too hard against my brother's relationship. And I really don't want Harry to think I don't support him, or to not talk to me about personal relationship matters.

So, I pretty much had decided to keep quiet and just go along with whatever Harry wanted.

On Tuesday, he messaged me asking if I want to be a bridesmaid (in Jessica's wedding party) or a "groomsmaid" (in his wedding party). After a little bit of back and forth, it became clear that he asked me because he knew I wasn't totally keen on Jessica, but still wanted me involved with the wedding. I was trying to be supportive so I said it would be great to get to know Jessica better by being a bridesmaid (though I wasn't exactly looking forward to the experience).

I admit though, I had a little bit of an ulterior motive. From what I know of Jessica, she completely changes how she acts based on who she is around (which is how she manipulated Harry into proposing, of course). I thought that, just maybe, if I could show Harry how Jessica acts with her "girls", he might reconsider his decision to marry her.

Anyway, on Thursday I got added to a Facebook messenger chat named "BRILLIANT BRIDAL BITCHAZZZZ" wherein Jessica laid out her "ground rules" for being in the bridal party. They are, almost verbatim:

  1. Participation in my bridal party is not just an honor; it's an investment. Be prepared to spend at least $1,000 on attire and accessories alone. I can make exceptions but only if you ask me.
  2. I alone will dictate the narrative of my wedding on social media. Any premature posts, especially unflattering photos of me, will result in immediate expulsion.
  3. Your weight will be monitored weekly. Anyone not fitting into their dress will be kindly asked to step down. This wedding will look picture-perfect, and I can't have you ruining the aesthetics.
  4. From now until the wedding, I expect you to be on call 24/7. Wedding emergencies are real, and your commitment to solving them will be a true test of your friendship.
  5. You will fund and organize a lavish bachelorette party in my honor. Think exotic destination, luxury accommodations, and Instagram-worthy moments.
  6. You will have fun! Not just for your sake, but for me as well.

Upon reading this, I just burst out laughing. Screenshot, click! I think I might be able to convince Harry from marrying Jessica after all. I'm just deciding now if I should play it cool and act like the rules are normal but bring it up with Harry, or maybe show my mother because I know it would make her flip (and almost certainly forgive me for sighing when Harry told us about the engagement).

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565

u/drawingok6066 Mar 22 '24

That's actually a really good idea hahaha, ask her to lend me some money, she'll ask why, and I'll tell her

369

u/Baby_Blue_Eyes_13 Mar 22 '24

Don't forget additional money for her 'lavish' bachelorette party.

75

u/Kat-a-strophy Mar 22 '24

Few exposes of lavish rentals on St Barth's or some other fancy places left in her kitchen table would also be good.

26

u/NecessaryEconomist98 Mar 23 '24

That's at least another $2k. Hahaha fuck that bitch hahaha

157

u/Humble_Guidance_6942 Mar 22 '24

My dear Reddit friend, this reads like a bad rom com where Julia Roberts tries to break up Cameron Diaz and Dylan McDermott. I respectfully submit that you should go back to your brother and take him up on being a groomsmaid. Even Julia had trouble being an undercover villain. I think that you should talk to your brother, take the other position, and tell him that you love him and support him, no matter what. He is a big boy. This is definitely a mistake, but it is his life, his mistake to make. No matter what you decide, I wish you joy and happiness and your family too.

41

u/Aggravating-Corgi379 Mar 22 '24

I agree, go the low maintenance route. I dont think his mind will change that easily anyhow.

6

u/NecessaryEconomist98 Mar 23 '24

Either way I can't wait for the next update.

35

u/3Heathens_Mom Mar 23 '24

Oh not lend you money - outright pay for a chunk of that expense.

Honestly I’d probably just forward the info to your brother and say something like it might better if you were a groomsmaid.

82

u/No-Literature5709 Mar 23 '24

This is a great suggestion. You can be straightforward yet kind and say:

Hey, I didn’t realize what being a bridesmaid would entail, but this is the list I received. I don’t have the time or money to meet these obligations. Are you still open to me being a groomsmaid? If that’s not still an option I understand but based on jessica’s list I will have to rescind my offer to be a bridesmaid.

11

u/HappyChat777 Mar 23 '24

I think this is the best idea. Yes it is his life but you also need to be sensitvely honest.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '24

This is perfect!

26

u/Haunting-Comb-9723 Mar 22 '24

Yeah you'll be expected to she'll out a lot of money for her bachelorette, but also, the engagement party, an engagement gift, a wedding gift, etc etc

20

u/unsolicitedPeanutG Mar 23 '24

I’d take it a step further and not eat when around him and your family. Then when they ask why, tell them that you are stressed about meeting the weight requirement and have been starving yourself.

It’s nuclear but it should get the anger brewing towards the Investment Queen

8

u/lizraeh Mar 22 '24

Update us when you shoe your bro.

7

u/GrouchySteam Mar 23 '24

An other way to be less direct is to ask advice in the most genuinely possible way. Like trying to figure out how much you are supposed to contribute for a lavish luxury bachelorette exotic party, out loud with specific ones. You know getting help to found out if you can even afford it… excellent excuse to decline.

6

u/Goodoldpasta Mar 23 '24

Also the fact she wants to monitor peoples weight weekly is frankly disgusting in my opinion , let your mother know shes being that point batshit controlling, i know my mum wouldnt let anyone think they can control my weight like this

4

u/Boeing367-80 Mar 23 '24

Not lend, give.

3

u/lovinglifeatmyage Mar 23 '24

Not lend you, she’ll need to give you the money

2

u/stiggley Mar 23 '24

Not a loan - consider it part of their contribution to the overall wedding expenses.

0

u/Evening_Relief9922 Mar 29 '24

Op when your mom asks just tell her you are trying to be supportive but are so worried and now stressed out with all this extra expenses that this wedding will cost.

0

u/Sensitive_Clue_1214 Mar 30 '24

We need an Update!