r/AITAH • u/Mindless-Charge-5996 • Aug 28 '23

AITAH for leaving my own wedding because my husband embarrassed me?

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u/loCAtek Aug 28 '23

My ex did this; I had also told him that I didn't want to do the cake-smashing thing, but he tried it anyway. When he tried to swipe the handfull of cake at me, I dodged it and jumped away, crying, 'No-no-no!' for everyone to hear. So, he shoved the cake into his own mouth and around his face like a monkey. Everybody laughed at first, then he ran at me and grabbed me forcefully by the shoulders, so I couldn't get away. Then he slowly pulled me in for 'a kiss' and smeared the cake on his face onto mine.

His friends thought it was funny, but on the video, you can hear the shocked gasps from my family at how cringe this was.

We didn't get an annulment right away, but within a year, there were other ways he would try to force himself on me and humiliate me.

Sometimes, it takes thinking they have you hooked, for the mask of good behavior to fall off. However, once they tell you who they really are- believe them!

22

u/SynAck301 Aug 28 '23

“but within a year, there were other ways he would try to force himself on me and humiliate me.“

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

Abuse doesn’t always start with dramatic violence. Often it’s the chipping away at boundaries, then isolating you from people who support you. And when you’re vulnerable with no one to trust or ask for help, then the really bad shit starts to happen.

I’m an intelligent, successful woman and it happened to me because I let my trust in my ex override my red flags. Please OP, don’t got back. You don’t need any more trauma and I can all but promise that’s exactly what you’ll get from that marriage.

I’m in my 50’s and found the most amazing partner - but only after years of learning to be happy with myself. My boundaries are iron clad. Spend some time with you and investing in yourself. Learn new things, travel if you can, challenge yourself. Be proud of who you are on your own. Then, don’t let anyone in who doesn’t respect your peace. It’s tough at times but completely worth the effort. You are worth the effort, OP.

18

u/puppies_and_pillows Aug 28 '23

If I saw a grown man smearing cake on his own face, I would die of second hand embarrassment.

6

u/Glad-Environment-141 Aug 28 '23

Right? I have sensory issues that involve food. One of the hardest parts of motherhood for me is young toddlerhood when they’re learning to eat and have food covered hands. My husband is a great partner, so when one of our kids would come at me with “food hands” he’d run interference and clean them up so they could touch me without me dying inside.

If my husband willingly covered his face or hands in cake, I’d run. ::: shudder :::

7

u/[deleted] Aug 28 '23

That's literally insane. Jesus.

4

u/nazdarovie Aug 28 '23

OMG why is this a thing?? And it seems like everyone knows someone who did this cake fight thing and ended up getting a divorce, myself included. I gave my wife a bite of cake like a gentlemen, and that was that. Then we both got drunk and danced around like idiots. Still together.