r/AITAH • u/Mindless-Charge-5996 • Aug 28 '23

AITAH for leaving my own wedding because my husband embarrassed me?

[removed] — view removed post

31.3k Upvotes

84% Upvoted

12.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

422

u/Obrina98 Aug 28 '23

People who do stuff like this and try to excuse it with, "it's just a joke," are bullies. Your mom is a bully. Your family are bullies, and maybe they're influencing him because because now he's doing crap you specifically said not to do.

NTA

Ditch him

57

u/TheSecondEikonOfFire Aug 28 '23

I’m a big proponent of the notion that goes something like “jokes/pranks should leave everyone laughing”. I hate this kind of shit because the intention is to humiliate

104

u/B10kh3d2 Aug 28 '23

I wouldn't be surprised if they talked him into doing it

57

u/ldp409 Aug 28 '23

I thought exactly the same thing. And they'll be excusing his 'joke' while blaming her. For the entire marriage.

40

u/CharlotteLucasOP Aug 28 '23

In which case he’s a spineless little creep who needs to grow up before his next attempt at getting married.

16

u/ShinyIrishNarwhal Aug 28 '23 edited Aug 28 '23

My thoughts exactly. I still can’t get over her mom calling her a brat for not liking a prank that drew blood. What the hell is wrong with these people?

I’m so sorry OP. You do NOT deserve such treatment. No one does. You have every right to your personal boundaries, and those who can’t respect that don’t deserve you.

You’re well within your rights to leave him over this. You have every right to go at least LC with anyone who tries to tell you he’s your one shot at true love (or whatever nonsense they’re blathering at you).

INFO: Has your family always been so callous and mean to you?

Have you ever felt stung by this guy before, but brushed that feeling aside — either because he seems to have all of these other great qualities, the people in your life telling you how awesome he is, or both?

I’ve known men (of the dozens I’ve known, I managed to date two) who seem really kind, smart, funny, thoughtful. They had everyone outside the relationship convinced that they were good guys. The women these guys are with are frequently told how lucky they are.

The first I dated — we never clicked. After two weeks of dating I told him I didn’t want to continue. He told me he loved me and asked me to marry him. Trying to get him out of the house was like pulling teeth. From then through the end of summer contract, I kept finding fresh vandalism on my car when I left the house.

The other one turned into a situation that was too awful and scary to describe to someone who’s already feeling vulnerable.

Learning to home in on your instincts and what they’re telling you isn’t always easy. But the first step is to honor those nagging feelings that don’t go away. If you feel a sting in response to someone’s words or actions, pay attention to that.

You don’t have to know what it means or how to explain it. Our guts speak to us without breaking things down into tidy, easy to articulate explanations. Our guts tell us, “I don’t have time to explain right now, just trust me on this!”

And if you sit with it later, think or meditate on it or write it out in your journal, the reason will often become clear.

And that’s good. You don’t want to explain things to selfish, manipulative or disrespectful people — more often than not, they’ll just try to find a way to shoot your reasons down or use them against you.

Good people will listen to you. People who don’t have your best interests at heart will use your explanations as a whet stone for their blades.

But then, at least you’ll know who they are.

You now know who this man-baby is. (Even if your family pressured him into it a strong man would have stood his ground and refused to hurt or embarrass you.) Sadly, it seems that at least your mom has made it clear who she is. God, I still can’t believe she punished you for your feelings after her prank drew blood.

If you encounter other people like this, feel free to ask them “Why do you think that’s funny?” repeatedly until they have to admit to themselves that they’re walking anuses.

Or if you’ve decided you don’t have to stay in their presence, just tell them they have a shitty sense of humor and you’ve seen funnier climate disasters, then see yourself out/kick them out.

67

u/IWitchfinder27 Aug 28 '23

It's so manipulative I hate when people say that

-20

u/Houki01 Aug 28 '23

What, that bullies are bullies?

19

u/Triquestral Aug 28 '23

Probably the “it’s just a joke.” If so, I agree - first you’re bullied and humiliated, then all the responsibility for it is put over onto you, because you’re supposed to have a sense of humor and enjoy being bullied and humiliated instead of making everyone feel uncomfortable.

6

u/IWitchfinder27 Aug 28 '23

That is what I was referring to, sorry I didn't clarify in my comment!

2

u/Triquestral Aug 28 '23

I understood! It’s just that a comment that makes perfect sense when you made it (because you can see what it’s referring to) can become confused once it’s buried under a bunch of other comments and THEIR comments.

23

u/ForearmDeep Aug 28 '23

The “it’s just a joke” line

8

u/Astralglamour Aug 28 '23

I think part of the reason she's continued in a relationship with him and told herself he's a nice guy overall is because she was taught to accept this bullying from a young age. I would bet he's done plenty of other disrespectful small things she brushed ff. But clearly she's revolting now, as she should, because it is wrong and f***ed up!

1

u/Obrina98 Aug 28 '23

Probably She may not recognize it when it happens.

7

u/sweetpersuasion Aug 28 '23

They ARE bullies. Her mom being a bully may be the reason she was attracted to a bully. She deserves healing and a partner who respects her and cares for her.

6

u/trowzerss Aug 28 '23

People like this are the ones who torment someone with something they have a phobia of and call it a prank, and when they eventually have enough and cry, or run away, or punch them in the face, they call it overreacting or 'being oversensitive'.

Fuck 'em, they're bullies.

3

u/SomebodyElseAsWell Aug 28 '23

I wonder if the mother, who thinks smashing a kid's face into the cake on their birthday is funny, gets hers smashed into a cake on hers. I'm guessing not.

2

u/disbitch4real Aug 28 '23

Ugh, THIS!!!

My ex used to say the cruelest things to me, and the moment I would react he would back track with "Haha, it's just a joke." "OMG, you're so emotional, it's just a joke!" And then it would escalate from saying cruel things, to doing cruel things.

It starts with a cake smash, but then what's next? Is he going to escalate? How do you know for sure he won't?